Joy: an NCFCA/Stoa Original Oratory

An NC-st-orato-what?

NCFCA and Stoa are speech and debate leagues. An Original Oratory is a just a normal speech with nothing particularly fancy in it.

Since a lot of people have posted awesome speeches on their blogs, I thought I'd try doing the same. (I'll make you the judge of it's awesomeness or non-awesomeness) I posted an excerpt of it a week or so ago, but here's the whole thing.

Please pardon all of the parenthetical citations. Speech. You know. :P And for some reason blogger wouldn't copy the font/formatting from word, so I had to wrestle with it a bit. As a result, sometimes the font randomly changes.

Do you know why you’re sitting here, judging me today? Why am I standing here, giving you a speech? Why do you read books, watch movies, listen to music, or study a subject? If you analyze the “why” of everything, you can always trace it back to one thing: happiness. Everything you do is either to make yourself happy or to make someone else happy: whether consciously or not.

Baruch Spinoza, a Dutch Philosopher(Baruch, Wiki), said that: “what everyone wants from life is continuous and genuine happiness.” (Spinoza)

Why? Because when we are happy, it gives us a feeling of satisfaction; of contentment. It makes us feel secure not only in ourselves and our abilities, but also in the world around us. Different things make different people happy – laughter, friendship, surprises, gifts, vacations.

But what happens when these things are taken away? What happens when they’re gone? Should happiness really be our focus? Today, I would like to present to you a different kind of happiness: joy. However not even that joy should be our focus: rather that the giver of joy – that is Jesus Christ – should be our focus, because true joy can only come from a close relationship with Him. First we’ll look at our natural desire for happiness and how it actually hinders us in our relationship with God. Next, we’ll see how happiness contrasts with joy. Lastly, we’ll see how we can truly experience joy in our lives.

As human beings with a nature to love and be loved, we all have different things that we cherish and treasure, things that make us happy, or give us a sense of security and control, and we have to take great care that they do not hinder our relationship with God – becoming an idol, and keeping us from true joy.

Over the years, I’ve had multiple different understandings of what idols are. When I was little, I thought idols were simply things like Buddha, or anything that you declared better than God.

But the older I got, I discovered more idols competing for my worship. It wasn’t just things you obsess over. And it didn’t have to be something I blatantly put ahead of God. In fact, the idols I found in my life were things that became more subconsciously ahead of God. Things I didn’t quite notice had taken God’s place – like family, friends, and activities.

In his book, “The Age of Opportunity” Paul Tripp presents a new way of seeing idols.

Put your hand up to your face and look through your fingers. Now turn your head about to see what's around you. No matter how you turn, your view will always be distorted by your fingers getting in the way.

The same is true with idols. Whatever we idolize becomes the mask through which we filter everything. The thing that distorts or tints our vision to see things a certain way.

And these aren’t just any idols. They’re different for each person, but they are specifically what makes you happy.

I found this particularly prominent in my social media/online life. As I would go about my daily tasks, the little things in life that I enjoyed or found interesting I would find myself instantly writing it in my head as a facebook status or blog post – because that had become a mask through which I filtered how I saw everything. It was what made me feel good about myself and who I was. It made me happy.

Another example of idols is that of people. We often picture the person we love as if they were always right next to us – their voice plays in our head, converses with us, and gives us advice. Why? Because that person is someone we value, and thus someone who makes us happy and gives us that sense of security and belonging. Instead of seeing things through God’s eyes, we start filtering it all through theirs.

These are idols. They not only hinder us from God but they become our very motive for living.

I often ask God to become real to me. To satisfy me. I want to hear God speak to me – to show me His will. But the powerful realization is that…if I have all these masks up that I’m seeing the world through, how can I clearly hear the call of God? He can’t speak to me when I’m filtering everything, including His words, through the distorted views that I hold.

God cannot give me joy when my desire for happiness is my focus. Instead the mask through which I filter everything should be God Himself. I can’t even be seeking after joy – but rather Christ, who gives joy.

So what exactly is joy? We often confuse joy with happiness. Everyone wants to be happy. But according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, the word happiness comes from the word “hap”, meaning “luck” or “fortune.” (Online) Happiness or unhappiness is an immediate and natural reaction to a circumstance you are in. An immediate and natural reaction to a circumstance you are in. Have you ever noticed how one little thing can turn your day for the better – or for the worst?

I have little brothers. And I can be having a great day, and they can say one thing – and it can ruin the rest of my day. Sometimes it can ruin the rest of my week. Why? Because my feelings are based off of circumstances.

Joy, however, is different. Joy does not come from happenings or circumstances, and it does not disappear in the blink of a mood.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 says Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. (NKJV Hab 3:17)

In this translation, the New King James Version, the word “joy” is used as a verb: indicating that it is an action. Unlike the fleeting, temporary feeling of happiness, joy is a choice: driven by something so much more than just circumstances.

Pastor Earl Palmer, in his message “The Search for Joy”, looks at a definition of joy given by C.S. Lewis – He says that joy is a meaningful acceleration in the rhythm…of celestial experience. In the rhythm of our experience with God’s character. (Palmer)

Our experience with God’s character. How do we experience God’s character? When we strive for happiness, the results are the tangible things we can see and feel. But when circumstances turn against us, we don’t always know what God is doing or what the result is going to be – yet this is the confidence we have: that there is a greater, eternal purpose. Something that we cannot see that is far beyond our imagination.

This brings me lastly to how we can truly experience joy in our lives.

As we have seen, joy is not a feeling – rather it is a choice. But it’s more than just a choice: it’s total surrender to God’s will. It is not based on the worldly everyday events around you – but comes from God.

In summer of 2009, my family left our church – a church I had grown up in and learned from for years. Church ministry was something I had become really involved in and loved – and it was very hard for me to suddenly leave best friends, activities I had been involved in, and a place that had brought me closer to God. For a very long time, I let my immediate feelings rule me – to become the mask through which I saw everything. I was unhappy, depressed, and could not understand why God would take me away from something that brought me closer to Him.

But slowly, God began to show me a different way to see that situation, to take away the old mask and to give me a new one – and even today He continues to do so.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. (NKJV 2 Cor. 4:15)

We may not know what God is doing – and we may not feel happy with our circumstances. But the apostle Paul says that we should be content, no matter what state we are in. (NKJV Phil. 4:11) Because this too, shall pass. Psalm 30:5 says weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning. (NKJV Ps. 30:5)

It sounds cliché to say that I realized that God is with me no matter what the circumstance, and that He does have a perfect plan that only He can see. But this becomes such a beautiful truth when you simply don’t know what God is doing. It’s hard to choose to be cheerful when you feel just the opposite. But I discovered that when I was willing to give up my circumstance-based feelings completely to God – to surrender my desire for happiness for His desire for my life: He returned it with joy – joy that can only come from Him.

Happiness is a feeling – joy is a choice. We have seen how focusing on happiness can be an idol, and how happiness is different from joy. We’ve also seen how the choice of joy and a relationship with God can become real in our lives by seeking to the only One who can satisfy us completely. When we are willing to take that action, to come before God and surrender ourselves to Him, realizing that there is a greater – eternal – purpose that will bring glory to God: He will give us joy.

John 16:22 - Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. (NKJV John 16:22)

A Lot of Logs.

The following is an cut/pasted excerpt from my original oratory in speech this year that I have been giving this week. And as I give it, I keep seeing God use it to speak to myself, to learn from it. Like a lot. This speech tournament has been a crazy up and down of emotion (they usually aren't like this. Great, huh?) and it's been really hard to keep my focus on Christ....to stay positive. You could pray for that today, as I go into semis and finals. (if I go to semis and finals. =P )


Have you ever noticed how one little thing can turn your day for the better – or for the worst?

I can be having a great day, and someone can say one thing – and it can ruin the rest of my day. Sometimes it can ruin the rest of my week. Why? Because my feelings are based off of circumstances.

Joy, however, is different. Joy does not come from happenings or circumstances, and it does not disappear in the blink of a mood.

It is one of the hardest things in the world to choose to be cheerful when circumstances turn against us. But when you take that simple step of obedience in surrendering to Christ that He will bring joy into your life.

Habakkuk 3:17-18 says Though the fig tree may not blossom, Nor fruit be on the vines; Though the labor of the olive may fail, And the fields yield no food; Though the flock may be cut off from the fold, And there be no herd in the stalls—Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation. (NKJV Hab 3:17)

In this translation, the New King James Version, the word “joy” is used as a verb: indicating that it is an action.

It sounds cliché to say that I realized that God is with me no matter what the circumstance, and that He does have a perfect plan for everything. But this becomes such a beautiful truth when you simply don’t know what God is doing and you are left with no choice but to trust Him. I discovered that when I was willing to give up my circumstance-based feelings completely to Him – to surrender my desire for happiness for His desire for my life: He returned it with joy – joy that can only come from Him.

Happiness is a feeling – joy is a choice. We've seen how the choice of joy and a relationship with God can become real in our lives by seeking to the One who can satisfy us completely. When we are willing to take that action, to come before God and surrender ourselves to Him, realizing that there is a greater – eternal – purpose that will bring glory to God: He will give us joy. A happiness beyond words.

John 16:22 - Therefore you now have sorrow - but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice! And your joy no one will take from you.

Excitement TO THE MAX!

And no! It's not a Narnia post!! Nothing makes me more excited than an opportunity to seek Christ, meet other Christians, and grow more. Oh my word. I am so excited!

THE REBELUTION CONFERENCE IS COMING TO OREGON!!!!

Which means we can FINALLY go!!! Last year they didn't come to Oregon or Washington, or anywhere in the northwest, so it was sort of out of the question. The year before I hadn't quite gotten into it or really understood the vision.



This year is possibly their last tour x( buuuuut I am really really excited for the opportunity to be able to go. So, so excited. AAAHH! Can you just see me now?? Oh. My. Goodness. :)

Check out the site HERE. AHH. I really, really hope it works out because I would give so much to go to that conference.

Merry Christmas, world. (:

I think my favorite part about Christmas is definitely Christmas Eve service: and I've especially enjoyed it at my church the past two years.

I love to sit in the balcony - where we always do - and look over the edge to see the a thousand tiny lights filling the whole room with a beautiful glow.

I love watching as the choir members come down, and light their candle from the advent candles. And for awhile it's just 3 or 4 little lights making their way down the aisle. But slowly, the light starts to spread. And as we swing into another verse of The First Noel, it spreads more. Until, by the time we have begun Silent Night, the whole room glows.

And you think.

One light. That's all I am. Not enough to pierce the darkness myself. But when we join together with thousands of other lights and hold them up high: look at the difference it makes.

One of my friends posted recently about Christmas - and how it doesn't feel quite so Christmassy this year.

The past couple years have been especially so for me. It might be for lack of church family, the fizzling out of traditions, or the fact that presents aren't quite so exciting as they used to be.

I think it's the lack of anticipation.

Christmas is all about anticipation. The preparation, the planning. Shopping, wrapping, finding something just right for someone and keeping it a secret for the whole month.

My friend and I like to get each other presents for our birthdays and Christmas. But half the fun of the presents is the fact that we taunt each other to no end about what it is. We drop each other casual hints, random hints, irrelevant hints, and send each other intentionally blurry pictures of it. They aren't generally very big presents, but we always find ourselves in delightful anticipation of whatever it is that is to come.

The birth of the Messiah was an anticipated event for years and years. Prophets wrote about it and scholars studied it. The Israelites waited and waited for the promised Messiah to come and save them from those who oppressed them.

Last year, my family started celebrating advent - something we'd never done at our old church. But our new church did, so we tried it out. I always thought advent was just counting down till Christmas - but it's so much more than that.

Every night, we read a section from our storybook: a historical fiction about a young boy and his adventures as he learns about the coming Messiah and eventually gets to meet the child who will be His Savior.

The amazing thing that I loved about this was the anticipation. The focus wasn't on the presents, Christmas day, or whatever it was we were getting. The focus was on the coming Messiah. That a Savior would soon be born during their lifetimes.

And it brought into a different light the anticipation of Jesus' birth and the beauty of it. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be there, in the stable, when Jesus was born? To read the Torah and to wonder when this Messiah would come?

The days until Christmas are filled with the waiting and anticipation of discovering the contents of the packages under the tree. But Advent is about the anticipation of Christ's birth.

Which....is what I love about Christmas.

Breaking My Heart

I saw the title of this song (by Robert Pierre) and I thought "Oh, great, a love song."

But that's far from what it is.



It's the joy...the choice to rejoice in heartbreak. God isn't breaking our heart like people do. He's molding us into the person He wants us to be, taking away the things we cling to so we can cling to Him instead the things of the world. It hurts. Oh, it hurts, so, so much. But it's beautiful - in such a painful way. It's...bittersweet.

You're breaking my heart - a little more every day.

There's little things that keep popping up in my life...sometimes bigger, sometimes smaller.

Knowing you don't belong there like you used to.
Seeing someone talk to someone else you really miss - who won't talk to you.
Little random, stupid memories that pop up in the most vivid pictures.
Watching two best friends together.
Not understanding how this could ever work out for the better.

Yet...there's this joy in knowing that there is something. Jesus is breaking my heart, He's pruning me to bear fruit for His glory. And it's so awfully painful but it's also so beautifully joyful. Because God doesn't just tear you away and then dump you. There are always joys in life, always beautiful, precious things to delight in - and He has blessed me not only with a few of those, but with some of the most amazing people to share it with me.

A dear friend of mine encouraged me the other night that sometimes seeds are planted when a huge fire or tornado comes in and carries them far away.

But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel...(Phil. 1:12)

I love how you are....breaking my heart. A little more, each day.

Hello, Sunshine. =]

We got some rare, precious, absolutely gorgeous Seattle sun today. It was also extremely windy. This morning it was pretty bitter and cold, but it's warmed up considerably, so I went outside to run around in it.

There's nothing so lovely as running through God's Creation under the a beautiful sun with a blustery wind flying through your hair, picking wildflowers and rolling down the hill.

You see the wind coming, blowing over the tops of the trees, rustling through the leaves...then it hits your face and your hair flies back. I especially love running down hills. (and rolling!) and twirling around in circles.

God's Creation is lovely. This has been been the most wonderful Monday all school year. 3 more weeks left of school and 31 days till I leave for Nats!

Now a Memory....

...Thus was the course of my Monday-through-Friday-until-around-6:30-ish

Like I said last time I posted about the tournament - it was going great. I was looking forward to Friday and Saturday.

Friday evening, shortly after they had just announced that speech breaks would not be until Saturday morning (::grumble::), we were informed that the Chinese-style shirt I had worn for my Chinese speech (Illustrated Oratory - IO) was being thought of as a costume. We spent the next 2+ hours trying to convince them otherwise.

Their "concern" was that I had made a mental connection between the shirt and my speech, and that they couldn't have me "enhancing my speech that way". They also said that it would be an unfair advantage to other students. We tried to tell them I had worn it to previous qualifying tournaments and no one said anything, that I had worn it for my completely UN-Chinese DI (Dramatic Interpretation) and duo. But they were pretty much unshakable.

Slowly, with each passing question, they beat my dream of ever making it to nationals this year to the ground.

Have you ever worked for a long, long time for something you really wanted, only to find disappointment? I have never, ever in my life have a goal I was so motivated to work towards.

You think I was obsessed when it came to Bible quiz meets? To piano competitions? The Bible bee, even? I've never been obsessed with winning, so much as the process. Perhaps it's because I'm used to coming in 2nd all the time. But for some reason, I've never placed 1st in something huge (Awana Grand Prix does NOT count), but I've never been that upset over it. I'm content with 2nd, or 3rd - so long as everything was played fairly and there wasn't some sort of emotional battle going on (like games and quiz this year) while doing it.

But that's because I've never aimed for 1st. I've always felt that someone else would be there, so I'll just aim for 2nd place. You know what I did this time?

I aimed for 1st. I told myself what my friend has told himself for his competitions. I'm going to win this. I am going to make it to nationals. While I know I didn't put as much work as I could have (all that last minute stuff, you know....), I really put a lot of myself into it.

You know me. I love obsessing over things, being a perfectionist, and doing everything just right. I throw myself into something I love. And I haven't had anything this year to do that with.

But Tuesday night before the tournament, I realized that I didn't deserve to win. I didn't deserve to qualify for nationals. I had continually put things off until this last minute, why should God just let me qualify to a national tournament like that?

But oh, I had such high hopes. So I told God that this was His tournament. I told Him I wanted more than anything in the world to qualify for nationals, but if He didn't want me to, then I would still rejoice - whatever was His will.

I think He took me up on it - although I sure didn't think it would happen this way.

About a third of the way through that conversation, we had to pause because they had to go announce debate breaks. So I went into the bathroom, dried my eyes, and told God this was for Him...over, and over, and over again. Then I told myself I was fabulous, that everything was fabulous, and went back into the room and recited 1 Corinthians 13 three times through to myself before they came back.

And then they did. My brain kept spinning, they kept questioning me, repeating over and over again that I had admitted to making a connection between a Chinese shirt and a Chinese speech and therefore had violated the rule......

I understood their intentions. I understood their reasoning. I understood, and they knew it. But no amount of our position could persuade them otherwise.

But through the tears, some kind of peace kept pushing. My heart kept crying out that God had a plan, He had a reason. He was still sovereign, still good.

It could have been the sheer injustice of it all. But by the time I arrived Saturday morning, my entire club knew - and it was oh, such a beautiful blessing to be surrounded by people I loved and who loved me. By the end of the day, it felt like half the competitors were on my side.

After the tournament, they (the board of directors/interrogators) told me I would have broken to semis. (we asked for this information) I knew that was the case. I know I would have broken to finals, and I'm convinced I would have qualified for nationals.

But something in me kept saying, "look at all the ways God has blessed you. You aren't going to nationals, but look what else you have."

• I qualified to regionals. Most novices aren't expected to get that far.
  
• Regionals was in WA. Normally it's somewhere else, like Colorado. That's far.
  
• If that wasn't enough: Regionals was 2 minutes from my house. A 15 minute walk. Closer than any of the qualifying tournaments.
  
• The only event I never broke in was impromptu (my DI, IO, and duo all qualified for Regionals)
• Alright, alright, it is my first year. (but I set high goals for myself, first year or not)
  
• My IO placed 2nd and 3rd in qualifiers
• God provided the means for me to compete in 3 qualifiers, one of which was out of state
• Our duo broke to semis at regionals - something I was not expecting
  
• My friends, Oh, Heavenly Father, my friends are such a blessing.

The worship that morning was somehow geared exactly towards everything that had happened. I left the tournament knowing that God had a reason, a plan, and a purpose - regardless of how much it hurt - even if I never went to nationals.

This is a poem that Gray wrote awhile back, which she shared with me after the tournament:

Lord, I come with humbled heart,
My pride has left my eyes.
I come a child, full of trust,
I leave behind all ties.
I come a child, unconcerned
With things too great for me,
I come a child, longing just
To sit here, at your knee.
With quiet soul, and patient heart,
I put my hope in you.
I give my heart! I give my soul!
I’m yours, Lord, through and through!

The Weight of Glory

Have you ever been in the place where you're so caught up in the mucky things in life that you begin to find your identity in your problems?

After my disqualification, I was trying very, very hard not to let this happen to me. I've done it with lots of other situations and I was sick of the depressing feeling and the tears. I didn't want to let it eat me up. As much as I love the comfort of my friends, I didn't want to be selfish and self-centered by trying to draw a lot of attention to myself.

It's hard to stay focused on God regardless of feelings. And by Wednesday, I was getting pretty bad at it. But about halfway through Wednesday, I realized that I could not let this get to me. I literally told myself:

Hannah. You are disqualified. You are not going to Nationals. We live, we learn, we move on. God obviously didn't want you there, so you need to buck up and keep going.

I think I had myself somewhat consoled, when dad ran and told me to get off the internet quick, because we needed to save bandwidth and Mrs. P was on the phone. (she was the assistant tournament director)

Almost the moment my coach said "we need to talk about your IO", I knew my dream of going to nationals was going down the drain. And the moment I heard Mrs. P was on the phone, I was almost positive I knew what she had called about.

....I was right. (::happy dance!::) Mrs. P was calling to tell me that I had received an at large slot for my IO. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

For those of you not in speech, "at large" is when you do well in multiple tournaments (I'm guessing like 4th or higher in at least 2 tournaments - but what does this novice know?) but don't qualify for nationals at the regional tournament. This "at large" slot is a spot in the national tournament!!!!!

So yes, in plain, beautiful, wonderful English: I AM GOING TO NATIONALS!

::calms down::

It absolutely amazes me what God can - and will - do, when we "carry on". Not just "*sniffsniff*, okay, I can do this" kind of thing. Really, totally, and fully realizing that God has a greater purpose, and continuing on in the faith that He will reveal it to you in time.

Saying that "there is a reason, there is a hope, God is still good, He is GOD, and I will worship Him no matter what" is precious in the dark. It's what you hold onto.

I've never felt such peace about accepting God's will before. About letting go, and throwing myself into the trust of my Heavenly Father. And when I did, it suddenly put into perspective all the other things that were only partially surrendered to God. Things like church and friendships. While I've tried to surrender them to God, I always seemed to "find identity" in those problems. This problem was just as emotional - but comparatively smaller than others - which put it into perspective for me what it means to surrender something to God.

It is not until we do that that the morning can come. And no matter how long it takes to dawn, whether it be a month, a year, or 5 days as it did for me, this is my prayer - With everything I am, and everything I have - I dedicate myself to doing one thing well: I will love you.

Life IS Pain, Highness

Most of you know I was in a speech tournament last week. On finals day, I watched Sarah Klein's thematic interpretation. Part of it consisted of this poem, which would have made me cry if I hadn't used up all of my tears the night before. She's such a good speaker, and she interp'ed it extremely well.

(don't worry. I promise that by the end of this month I will have a full explanation, pictures, videos, and lots of other things from all the speech things I've been doing recently.)

It's called "Carry On", by Robert Service

It's easy to fight when everything's right,
And you're mad with the thrill and the glory;
It's easy to cheer when victory's near,
And wallow in fields that are gory.
It's a different song when everything's wrong,
When you're feeling infernally mortal;
When it's ten against one, and hope there is none,
Buck up, little soldier, and chortle:

Carry on! Carry on!
There isn't much punch in your blow.
You're glaring and staring and hitting out blind;
You're muddy and bloody, but never you mind.
Carry on! Carry on!
You haven't the ghost of a show.
It's looking like death, but while you've a breath,
Carry on, my son! Carry on!

And so in the strife of the battle of life
It's easy to fight when you're winning;
It's easy to slave, and starve and be brave,
When the dawn of success is beginning.
But the man who can meet despair and defeat
With a cheer, there's the man of God's choosing;
The man who can fight to Heaven's own height
Is the man who can fight when he's losing.

Carry on! Carry on!
Things never were looming so black.
But show that you haven't a cowardly streak,
And though you're unlucky you never are weak.
Carry on! Carry on!
Brace up for another attack.
It's looking like hell, but -- you never can tell:
Carry on, old man! Carry on!

There are some who drift out in the deserts of doubt,
And some who in brutishness wallow;
There are others, I know, who in piety go
Because of a Heaven to follow.
But to labour with zest, and to give of your best,
For the sweetness and joy of the giving;
To help folks along with a hand and a song;
Why, there's the real sunshine of living.

Carry on! Carry on!
Fight the good fight and true;
Believe in your mission, greet life with a cheer;
There's big work to do, and that's why you are here.
Carry on! Carry on!
Let the world be the better for you;
And at last when you die, let this be your cry:
Carry on, my soul! Carry on!

Forever and Allways

There's this sticky note on our refrigerator that my little brother wrote.

If you can't read it, it says "ALLWAYS BE HAPPY"

He wrote it one day when someone was in a bad mood. I thought it was really cute - and sweet. :) But it also made me think. I love how he spelled "always": ALLWAYS, with two L's, making it like "all-ways"

Here is a list of the different meanings the word "always" can have.

• Seemingly without interruption
• often and repeatedly
• at any time or in any event
• forever
• throughout all time
• at all times
• all the time and on any occasion
  

When we say "always", do we really mean in all our ways? In every single thing we do? A lot of times we just see it as...well, "always". It has less depth to it the way we use it most of the time.

"I always do it this way!"
"You always are teasing me!"
"I always thought you were afraid of me"

It's another one of those words that are thrown around a lot. Does it bug you that such huge, universal words with such depth are used so flippantly? Love, joy, never, always, Jesus....the list goes on.

But take it with some more depth here.

...giving thanks [always] for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:20)

Where "always" is in brackets, read it again, but put in "in all your ways".

giving thanks [in all your ways] for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ (Eph. 5:20)

Always: In all your ways, meaning in whatever situation you encounter - choosing to rejoice, to joy in the Lord (Hab. 3),

Then I thought of another thing. You've probably heard the phrase "forever and always". I always thought it was kind of redundant..."forever and always".

(Let me rabbit trail a bit here and note how I used "always" in that sentence. I did it without even thinking. It's interesting, isn't it?)

But if you change it to "forever and allways", you get something different - not just forever and forever - forever and in every way. We should love God not only in all our ways, in everything we do, but forever. And God loves us and cares for us in the exact same way - forever and allways.

It Really Doesn't End

So, I finally got around to recording my Chopin with the motivation of getting it done in time to enter it into a competition our local radio station was holding. (which explains the nerdy intro at the beginning =P )

And now I'm on youtube. O.o

=P

Anyway, here it is. I failed the left hand in one part and ruined another chord at the end, and wasn't as pleased with the emotions that came out this time around......but it was alright, and it does more justice to this post. The thing about playing such an emotionally deep piece is that you get something just a little bit different every time.

I was wearing such a formal dress because of my co-op semi formal later that evening which I will have pictures for later. Sorry the video is so big.

Here's an excerpt from that post:

I like to call a piece of joyful serenity made perfect with pain and sweetened with God's grace, blessings, and love.

It's the joy you find in the midst of the pain.
The peace you find to accept what you have lost.
The grace God gives you to give up what you know you cannot keep.
The blessings He lavishes upon you to show you His everlasting, eternal, all-encompassing love.

It's not bittersweet, because it's not both at once. It's not just plain happiness, because there is pain in there.

You've probably heard that it's the darkness that makes the light beautiful. It's the pain that makes the healing wonderful.

This piece is a full, deep, meaningful joy that you won't experience fully unless you have endured the pain beforehand.

There are so many different feelings you can pull out of this piece, and that's why I love it.

It really has astonished me how many different ways you can play this piece, and the depth of emotion you are constantly finding. My sister and I were talking today about how positively deep music is - it never ends! There's always something new. You can spend months on one piece and still find new and exciting things in it.

The other day, I discovered "righteous anger" in the cadenza. (the really fast chromatic part at the end) Maybe it was because I had just watched this speech on abortion, or because I was feeling particularly angry at things I felt were not my fault.

Other times, the cadenza just screams "Why, God??"

But my favorite part is at the end. I discovered how to play the last two chords in a way that almost guarantee that the right notes are voiced. Part of it was that I put the words "Be Still" on those two chords.

So many times in life I don't understand why things are a certain way, why people do things the way they do, or how there ever could be an end.

But God always says,

Be....Still.

Listen for that at the end.




PS - Some other time, if anyone cares to listen, I'll geek out to you about different parts of that Chopin and how amazing they are (as if this weren't enough), as well as the intricate emotions I think Chopin put there; or perhaps I'll show you my Beethoven. ;)

5-second-hug

Have you ever gone blog hopping?

It's lots of fun. Sometimes the results are productive, others not.

Here's how you do it:

• Start with a friend's blog. Preferably one with lots of followers, because this expands your options.

• Click a random follower, and continue to explore their profiles until you find one who blogs.

• Find a random blog. Find followers of that blog. Look at the comments of people on the blog. You never know the interesting people you might find. =D

Today, I started with Gray's Blog, and in that particular post, she was featuring this blog. So of course, I browsed around, and then looked the author's profile.

And in looking around on that profile, I discovered the same author also writes on this blog. So while browsing through that one, I found this picture. I was quite amused, and noticed there was a comment. So, I clicked on it, and after a bit more browsing around, found this girl's blog.

Her name is Skylar Marks, and she's a 13-year old singer and songwriter. She recorded her first album when she was 8, and she wrote all the songs and played all the instruments herself.


I particularly liked the song "5-second-hug", written when she was 7.

Crying tears of sadness
your heart is completely closed
go to the place
while embracing the world with joy

Ten-hour wait
Five-second hug
But it's really worth it
Ten-hour wait
Five-second hug
Enjoy the moment
While it's there

You can listen to it here. Click on the "Skywriting" album, and it's the first song on the list.

She doesn't have a phenomenal voice, she's not widespread, and she's not all over news articles and videos. But she loves her family, and sings with the more sincerity and depth than I've seen in a little girl. I love how un-edited everything sounds. I think she lives in Hawaii, and is the most adorable tomboy.

I know I certainly didn't have that much insight as an 8 year old. Or even as a 13 year old. Some of my other favorites are "Melt Away", "How It All Began", "Watching You", and "To Know You"

Go to the place
while embracing the world with joy

-Hannah

What about your turban?

Our neighborhood is nearly entirely inhabited by Sikhs and Muslims. (You know, the turbaned people who drive taxis and pray five times a day and paint their houses neon orange)

But they're dedicated, rather peaceful people, actually. (at least the ones around us!)

I'm always seeing them walking and doing those weird stretches at the park. If you smile at them, they smile and nod, and sometimes they'll let they're overly hyper child pet your dog.

If you happen to be introduced to one by one of their English speaking children, they are always quite cheerful and happy to meet you.

And if you've ever had the opportunity to poke your head into their house, you would see rugs galore, tapestries, doorsigns, photos, and mats. There would also be a pleasant smell of food that lingers just about all the time. Their gardens are full of all sorts of fruits, vegetables, and other exotic plants.

Living in a neighborhood surrounded by them, I've met a couple myself. And they really are quite pleasant people.

They do all of this in their headcoverings, pillowing dresses, braids, turbans, and ancient slippers.

No matter how spiritually lost they may be, you've got to admire commitment like that. This is in today's world - where we are constantly being pushed and shoved around to fit under a certain expectation.

Haven't you noticed how easy it is to tell what religion they're from - or at least what group of people? Even from a really young age, you can tell - because little boys and girls aren't allowed to cut their hair. (at least, this is my understanding....)


As Christians, what makes us different? Are we always as pleasant to strangers as they are? People don't necessarily have to be able to tell your beliefs by a single glance. But what impression do they get after interacting with you?

No, I haven't forgotten. We are saved by grace through faith and not by works - which sadly many of these religions believe we have to do to be saved. So we don't have to dress up in long dresses and cover ourselves up to our noses and drive out to a temple five times a day.

But what God does want us to do is to be attentive to His leading - to separate ourselves from the world. You can't be the same "except for Jesus". There has to be change in your life.

Romans 12:2 says and do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind - that you may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect will of God.

Am I willing to face whatever discrimination may come so that Christ is proclaimed? Giving up certain styles of clothing, music, or speech? Where does my identity lie, and how does that play a role in my life?

Our way of life is influenced so heavily on what we believe about ourselves. What do my actions say about what I believe? What kind of "turban" do I wear? =P

Verse Of The Day

For it is God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.

We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed--always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.

For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus' sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

So then death is working in us, but life in you...Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. -2 Corinthians 4:5-12, 16-18

The Song You Sing

We all have excuses// why living in fear//something in us dies//
Like a bird with broken wings//its not how high he flies//but the song he sings
(Courage Is, The Strange Familiar)

Endless Emotions

Awhile ago, I wrote something along these lines in my facebook status: (although it was much shorter than this to accommodate facebook's word limit)

Chopin's thought process while writing his prelude in C♯ minor:

"I think I'll write a random prelude. Let's give it 4 sharps...and make it in C♯ minor."

::poses thoughtfully::

"I'll make a gorgeous melody, quite simple, for the first page. But then, I think I'll take ALL those notes and turn them into FLATS! Yes!"

::rubs hands together gleefully::

"Next, I think I'll write it so that the pedaling is so intricately delicate that students will get foot cramps trying to do it right"

::scribbles notes madly::

"Oooh! I have an idea. Let's put in a cadenza at the end. A *chromatic* one."

::the scheme deepens::

"Not only that, but why don't we make it be chromatic in FOUR DIFFERENT PATTERNS!"

::triumphantly publishes music, only to have it become a rarely played piece, left alone as the only piece in Op. 45::

As you can probably see, the learning process of this piece has not exactly been pleasant.

But if you look beyond that - the world of classical music is so intricately deep, with things you never imagined weaved into a single note.

I just finished up 2.5 hours of piano practice, with about 1 hour of that consisting of Chopin. But today was not a day of tedious chromatic scales and foot-cramping pedal patterns - today was a day of discovery.

Previously, my teacher asked me what I thought of when I thought of this piece. She wanted a story for me to think of.

I told her that it wasn't the type of piece that could be expressed with something material. It was an emotion, a color....anything but something you could touch or see or express in concrete terms.

So, taking the situation I was currently in, I played it with the kind of emotion that comes from pain, from something lost, from something you so desperately need.

Today I discovered that it's not that kind of a piece - at all.

I like to call a piece of joyful serenity made perfect with pain and sweetened with God's grace, blessings, and love.

It's the joy you find in the midst of the pain.
The peace you find to accept what you have lost.
The grace God gives you to give up what you know you cannot keep.
The blessings He lavishes upon you to show you His everlasting, eternal, all-encompassing love.

It's not bittersweet, because it's not both at once. It's not just plain happiness, because there is pain in there.

You've probably heard that it's the darkness that makes the light beautiful. It's the pain that makes the healing wonderful.

This piece is a full, deep, meaningful joy that you won't experience fully unless you have endured the pain beforehand.

Doesn't the depth of music that God has created excite you? Does it not leave you in awe and wonder of our Father in heaven?

There are so many different feelings you can pull out of this piece, and that's why I love it.

Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

PS - I wish I had a decent recording to give you, but I don't. I will be recording all my pieces at some point though, so eventually I will be able to share it with you.

The hurt before the healing

If you can't tell, I've been discovering a lot of great, great music lately. Really, really good songs. It's a good thing I got itunes money for Christmas. :)

Instead of posting the video, I want to post the lyrics to this song - it's called "before the morning" by Josh Wilson. The most important parts are pretty obvious. =]

Do you wonder why you have to
Feel things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you,
Where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see.
You'll see.

Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the dark before the morning

Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade into memory

Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the dark before the morning

Yesterday, on the forum I administrate (Aslan's Country), we held our first Bible study with our moderators. We studied "Being a Christian in a world of sin", which, as I've realized, encapsulated my whole awana Mainstudy in one sentence. The whole thing is Paul exhorting the Corinthians to be different in a world of sin around them.

I could start reciting all I know about Corinth, Paul, and the book of 1st Corinthians from my quiz study, but I'll spare you the details :P

Back to our study today - it was on Romans 8:18-25. I wasn't going to post the whole thing, but it's so good...so please don't be daunted by it's length. Read it. :)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see.

Hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what we sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

Isn't that just amazing? I love that word - hope. I was thinking last night that I should name my girls (assuming I have any) Faith, Hope, and Charity. But anyway.

We also talked at the young ladies' Bible study I was at on Thursday night about living in light of eternity, from Philippians 1. (amazing how God ties everything in your life together all at once, isn't it?)

God has so, so, so much in store for us! ...the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God!

Any pain we are in right now, pain of the world around us, anything God has thrown at us is to bring glory to Himself, to draw us closer to Him. And just think how glorious it will be in Heaven, when the morning comes. We can't see it now and there's no way that we can. But if we press on, persevere, keep hoping, there will be joy in the morning. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)

And, because I just love all these verse that are coming to mind,

Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, will doubtless (there's that hope again!!) come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:5-6)

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the scripture and the song. :) Kudos to you for reading the long post!

Keep hoping,
Dark comes before morning,
Hurt comes before healing.

I still believe

The Peace of God Surpasses All Understanding

2010

Yes, I've made 3 posts in one day...(well, technically not, today's January 1st)yes, it's 1:30 am, no, I am not planning on staying up all night.

Movies (as you probably well know) put me in a rather emotional, poetic sort of mood, and seeing as it is now 2010 and another year has past, I thought I might as well make a New Years post. :P This shall be my first post of 2010.

(and in case you were wondering, we were watching the Ultimate Gift. I love that movie. Always makes me cry. We've been watching a lot of Christmas movies lately because we missed them all at Christmastime...)

Here's what I posted on my facebook, I'm a bit too tired to think of anything else poetic or philosophical. But seeing as I wrote this at 10pm rather than now, it should make a bit more sense...

On a more serious note, for those of you who read my little blog here, thank you so much. :)

2010...is another gift from God. It's a full 365 days, 24 hours in each, 8,760 hours total - from Him to use for His glory. There is so much potential in that amount of time. How much of myself can I give to Him to further His kingdom this year? What can I do during this year to make it count, to make it different, to become closer to my Savior?

Happy New Year!

Love, Hannah