I rediscovered this song today.
So, so beautiful.
"You hold me as my Father, and mold me as my Maker."
"My child, I love you. And as long as you're seeking My face, you'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
Daily.
Sufficient.
Ever thought about the power of the word "sufficient?" It's not only enough, it's exactly what you need. It's not just an energy bar to get you through, it's a fully balanced meal that fills you up - perfectly, fully satisfying, and absolutely beautiful.
And He said to me - 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore, I would rather boast in my weakness, that the power of Christ may dwell in me! (2 Cor. 12:9)
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts
Thursday, July 14
Friday, June 10
My life is an impromptu speech.
I remember my thought process last year - my first year in speech.
First-or-second-week-of-speech-club.
Coach: "Impromptu is a limited prep. event where you draw three topics, and you have 2 minutes to prepare a 5-minute speech on one of the topics."
Me: [thinking] "Who in their right mind would do that?! I bet that's the least popular event."
Coach: "This event usually fills up the fastest."
Me: [inside] " o.O "
But hey. I was here to improve my speaking skills, not cower in a corner. So I told mom to sign me up.
The first time I tried it in club, I only talked for like a minute. My first topic in competition was "Endurance." I remember being so shaken after a barely 2-minute long speech that I completely forgot to shake the judges hand.
During the course of that year, I never managed to talk over about 2 and a half minutes - and over half my speeches ended with "SO! in this short, impromptu speech, we've seen that...." and one time I even had a judge tell me I defined a word incorrectly.
I made it through the first year, watched a round or so at nationals, drooled over how talented they were, and decided that while this was a great learning experience, I would never be at the point where I could really do well at this.
But the following summer (last summer) I went to speech camp - where I had one of my best impromptu rounds EVER. For some reason, it all of a sudden clicked. I had examples. I had somewhere I was going with the little quote scribbled on paper. I don't remember how long I talked but I think I made the 4:00 minute mark. =P
And for some reason, at that point, I started to realize that I couldn't try. I had to let God speak.
From that point on, as I competed in impromptu the following year (this year) God started to work really....really awesome things.
Starting with the Idaho tournament, I broke in impromptu. (meaning I made it to the next round.) I didn't make it to finals, but God gave me some AMAZING quotes and one of the best rounds in my whole life - and I ended up placing 12th.
At the next tournament in Bothell, God brought me all the way to finals and gave me 5th.
The tournament in Seattle is one I won't forget quickly. I didn't compete impromptu, and at that tournament, I didn't break at all - in any of my speeches.
For me, not breaking was kind of a...a weird thing. It felt like failure. I've broken at every single tournament I've ever been to in my life. (Note: not breaking is not equated with failure, as I have learned. But this year that's what it felt like)
But God used that to tell me that I was trying to do this by myself. I was trying to win on my own. Trying to be a good speaker and win trophies and medals. So He made all my speeches get low enough rankings to not break - simple as that.
Come the STOA tournament in Mount Vernon not 2 weeks ago, I wasn't in it for the competition. Just for the experience, for sharing my message.
Every single speech broke.
Is it just me, or do you think God knows we can't do things by ourselves? ;)
At regionals last week, I was really struggling with this. Knowing that if I gave it to God, He could do great things with it - but if I tried to do this on my own, things would probably not work in my favor.
Yet knowing that God has a reason and plan whether I win or lose....meh. It's like you're worried that you'll jinx it or something. (like you could possibly jinx GOD...) You know? There's something beautiful about totally surrendering something to God, no ties, holding nothing back. But doing it again, and again, and again - I keep wanting to go back to doing it all by myself. Yet I know I can't, but I think that I can. Or I think "oh, God'll help me" and not really give it to Him. There are so many things to try and juggle in your mind. And the more you know about life, the more there is to juggle.
I think.
Anyway.
So regionals.
I really honestly can't remember how I went into this tournament. I remember last year, able to completely surrender it to God and let Him work.
Sad thing is, as an over-analyzer and one-with-a-good-memory (also one who blogs about such experiences), it's hard to....repeat that.
Which I guess, is why I have to live every day by the strength of Christ. Because I don't always have the ability to give up certain things to God...and I sort of have to let Him take them away.
(Please, take from me my life - when I don't have the strength to give it away to you, Jesus.) (Take my life, Third Day)
My best round at regionals was on the words "picture-perfect."
Oh, God, how amazing Your work is.
I talked about how we can't always be perfect. We try, we want to look good for others. We want to sound good, and make a good impression. But unless our lives are a response to God's work - a life dedicated to following Him and Him alone - trying to be "picture-perfect" is never going to cut it. We can't do it on our own.
I could go on, but I'll wrap up my story.
I broke.
At regionals. Kind of scary - I barely expected to break at the local level, much less at the state-wide level.
And I think I over-estimated myself. Over-analyzed it a bit too much. Tried a bit too hard. Because my semi-final round wasn't that good. It was okay, it wasn't like a failure...but it wasn't my best.
But at the same time, there was a kind of peace - that whatever God decided to do was okay, because....well, because He's God. He knows, and He's not doing anything in my life for some arbitrary reason.
I ended up placing 9th in impromptu.
If you're in speech, you know what that means - *one* place away from finals. Just one place away. Which means it wasn't as bad as I had thought.
But here's where God's plan really comes out.
I qualified for nationals.
o.O
Remember that girl, who gave 1 minute impromptu speeches, stumbled over her words, defined them incorrectly, and forgot to shake the judges hands? The girl who thought that NO ONE in their right mind would do impromptu?
She's qualified for nationals.
I don't say that to brag. I say that to say, LOOK AT HOW AWESOME MY GOD IS!!!!
Because friends, when you go into that impromptu room, you have NO idea what you're going to get. You could get a slogan, a single word, a few words, a phrase, or 4 lines of a quote by some philosopher - or even a picture of a Disney character.
It is ALL by the grace and power and strength of God.
One of my friends said impromptu is kind of a gamble. And it is, if you don't know who is writing your script.
See, I have nothing worth saying in this world - nothing worth doing, performing, making, or giving outside of who Christ is and what He has done. My life is nothing outside of Christ. But IN Christ? In the power of Christ? Oh, how powerful that is! When we allow God to speak through us? To realize that it's not about us, but merely that we are the instruments through which He chooses to orchestrate His marvelous work?
Every night, every day
I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words As you're giving an impromptu speech - you've sort of planned out where you're going to go. But you don't always know what you're going to say next. And that's how God speaks. He feeds you ideas as you talk. Right when you need them.
My whole....life. It's an impromptu speech - 'cause God is writing it. I go into it not knowing what kind of topic I'm going to get. What kind of people, places, or things God's going to bring my way. What the outcome is going to be. But I know - oh! what blissful peace it is! To know that God will give me all that I need - because the only thing worth proclaiming in this life is Christ.
My semi-finals round wasn't that good. But I had peace knowing that God could do what He wanted with it - and He did.
My life doesn't always look that great, and I don't always sound that eloquent, dress that fashionably (sometimes I still look like I'm in my awkward childhood stage), or know why something's happening. But God can do whatever He wants with whatever happens because He's the one in charge.
1 Cor. 2:2 ~ For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
Please pray that as I go to Nationals this week that I will let God speak. All I'm competing in is Impromptu, and I don't want to psych myself out about it - I want to let God speak and not try to be good. You know, I've blogged about all this, but once I put it into words it almost makes it harder to live it out because I know what results I want. But it's not the results I should aim for - it's sharing Christ. And I don't have to break to semi-finals to do that. Please, please pray that His words will flow, and not mine.
First-or-second-week-of-speech-club.
Coach: "Impromptu is a limited prep. event where you draw three topics, and you have 2 minutes to prepare a 5-minute speech on one of the topics."
Me: [thinking] "Who in their right mind would do that?! I bet that's the least popular event."
Coach: "This event usually fills up the fastest."
Me: [inside] " o.O "
But hey. I was here to improve my speaking skills, not cower in a corner. So I told mom to sign me up.
The first time I tried it in club, I only talked for like a minute. My first topic in competition was "Endurance." I remember being so shaken after a barely 2-minute long speech that I completely forgot to shake the judges hand.
During the course of that year, I never managed to talk over about 2 and a half minutes - and over half my speeches ended with "SO! in this short, impromptu speech, we've seen that...." and one time I even had a judge tell me I defined a word incorrectly.
I made it through the first year, watched a round or so at nationals, drooled over how talented they were, and decided that while this was a great learning experience, I would never be at the point where I could really do well at this.
But the following summer (last summer) I went to speech camp - where I had one of my best impromptu rounds EVER. For some reason, it all of a sudden clicked. I had examples. I had somewhere I was going with the little quote scribbled on paper. I don't remember how long I talked but I think I made the 4:00 minute mark. =P
And for some reason, at that point, I started to realize that I couldn't try. I had to let God speak.
From that point on, as I competed in impromptu the following year (this year) God started to work really....really awesome things.
Starting with the Idaho tournament, I broke in impromptu. (meaning I made it to the next round.) I didn't make it to finals, but God gave me some AMAZING quotes and one of the best rounds in my whole life - and I ended up placing 12th.
At the next tournament in Bothell, God brought me all the way to finals and gave me 5th.
The tournament in Seattle is one I won't forget quickly. I didn't compete impromptu, and at that tournament, I didn't break at all - in any of my speeches.
For me, not breaking was kind of a...a weird thing. It felt like failure. I've broken at every single tournament I've ever been to in my life. (Note: not breaking is not equated with failure, as I have learned. But this year that's what it felt like)
But God used that to tell me that I was trying to do this by myself. I was trying to win on my own. Trying to be a good speaker and win trophies and medals. So He made all my speeches get low enough rankings to not break - simple as that.
Come the STOA tournament in Mount Vernon not 2 weeks ago, I wasn't in it for the competition. Just for the experience, for sharing my message.
Every single speech broke.
Is it just me, or do you think God knows we can't do things by ourselves? ;)
At regionals last week, I was really struggling with this. Knowing that if I gave it to God, He could do great things with it - but if I tried to do this on my own, things would probably not work in my favor.
Yet knowing that God has a reason and plan whether I win or lose....meh. It's like you're worried that you'll jinx it or something. (like you could possibly jinx GOD...) You know? There's something beautiful about totally surrendering something to God, no ties, holding nothing back. But doing it again, and again, and again - I keep wanting to go back to doing it all by myself. Yet I know I can't, but I think that I can. Or I think "oh, God'll help me" and not really give it to Him. There are so many things to try and juggle in your mind. And the more you know about life, the more there is to juggle.
I think.
Anyway.
So regionals.
I really honestly can't remember how I went into this tournament. I remember last year, able to completely surrender it to God and let Him work.
Sad thing is, as an over-analyzer and one-with-a-good-memory (also one who blogs about such experiences), it's hard to....repeat that.
Which I guess, is why I have to live every day by the strength of Christ. Because I don't always have the ability to give up certain things to God...and I sort of have to let Him take them away.
(Please, take from me my life - when I don't have the strength to give it away to you, Jesus.) (Take my life, Third Day)
My best round at regionals was on the words "picture-perfect."
Oh, God, how amazing Your work is.
I talked about how we can't always be perfect. We try, we want to look good for others. We want to sound good, and make a good impression. But unless our lives are a response to God's work - a life dedicated to following Him and Him alone - trying to be "picture-perfect" is never going to cut it. We can't do it on our own.
I could go on, but I'll wrap up my story.
I broke.
At regionals. Kind of scary - I barely expected to break at the local level, much less at the state-wide level.
And I think I over-estimated myself. Over-analyzed it a bit too much. Tried a bit too hard. Because my semi-final round wasn't that good. It was okay, it wasn't like a failure...but it wasn't my best.
But at the same time, there was a kind of peace - that whatever God decided to do was okay, because....well, because He's God. He knows, and He's not doing anything in my life for some arbitrary reason.
I ended up placing 9th in impromptu.
If you're in speech, you know what that means - *one* place away from finals. Just one place away. Which means it wasn't as bad as I had thought.
But here's where God's plan really comes out.
I qualified for nationals.
o.O
Remember that girl, who gave 1 minute impromptu speeches, stumbled over her words, defined them incorrectly, and forgot to shake the judges hands? The girl who thought that NO ONE in their right mind would do impromptu?
She's qualified for nationals.
I don't say that to brag. I say that to say, LOOK AT HOW AWESOME MY GOD IS!!!!
Because friends, when you go into that impromptu room, you have NO idea what you're going to get. You could get a slogan, a single word, a few words, a phrase, or 4 lines of a quote by some philosopher - or even a picture of a Disney character.
It is ALL by the grace and power and strength of God.
One of my friends said impromptu is kind of a gamble. And it is, if you don't know who is writing your script.
See, I have nothing worth saying in this world - nothing worth doing, performing, making, or giving outside of who Christ is and what He has done. My life is nothing outside of Christ. But IN Christ? In the power of Christ? Oh, how powerful that is! When we allow God to speak through us? To realize that it's not about us, but merely that we are the instruments through which He chooses to orchestrate His marvelous work?
Every night, every day
I find that I have nothing left to say
So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance
I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard
Let them be Your Words As you're giving an impromptu speech - you've sort of planned out where you're going to go. But you don't always know what you're going to say next. And that's how God speaks. He feeds you ideas as you talk. Right when you need them.
My whole....life. It's an impromptu speech - 'cause God is writing it. I go into it not knowing what kind of topic I'm going to get. What kind of people, places, or things God's going to bring my way. What the outcome is going to be. But I know - oh! what blissful peace it is! To know that God will give me all that I need - because the only thing worth proclaiming in this life is Christ.
My semi-finals round wasn't that good. But I had peace knowing that God could do what He wanted with it - and He did.
My life doesn't always look that great, and I don't always sound that eloquent, dress that fashionably (sometimes I still look like I'm in my awkward childhood stage), or know why something's happening. But God can do whatever He wants with whatever happens because He's the one in charge.
1 Cor. 2:2 ~ For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
Please pray that as I go to Nationals this week that I will let God speak. All I'm competing in is Impromptu, and I don't want to psych myself out about it - I want to let God speak and not try to be good. You know, I've blogged about all this, but once I put it into words it almost makes it harder to live it out because I know what results I want. But it's not the results I should aim for - it's sharing Christ. And I don't have to break to semi-finals to do that. Please, please pray that His words will flow, and not mine.
Saturday, April 23
Redemption.
So, I have a dog.
His name is Caspian.
[*From the book, not the movie,* my brother would say]
He's super cute, absolutely gorgeous, and a source of great amusement in our family.
Really, what's not to love?
But he's got a rebellious streak in him, and he likes to take every opportunity to escape from his fenced area.
Usually, a quick drive around our neighborhood and calling his name a few times will prove effective.
But earlier this week, he got out again - and this time, despite 3 hours of driving, calling, and searching - to parts of the neighborhood I didn't know existed - it was getting dark and we still hadn't found him.
He hadn't come back the next morning, so we made something like 50 signs and biked all over the place, putting them up, asking around if anyone had seen him.
Later that day, mom decided to go down to the pound to see if anyone had heard news of him there - and guess who had spent the night in a doggy-cell?
Usually he doesn't wander any farther than our neighborhood, but they told mom he was picked up just off of one of the busiest streets just outside our neighborhood.
To get your dog out of the pound, you have to pay money. And we had to register him, too.
And when all was said and done, we'd paid quite a large amount of that green stuff. For what? A dog who had deliberately run away, hadn't come back, and hardly even cared? And even if he had cared, he couldn't even begin to appreciate the kind of energies (monetary and time especially) that we spent to get him back.
Yet - this is the very sacrifice Jesus paid for our souls - only so, so much more.
How often have I run away from my Maker? Deliberately chose what was wrong? Sometimes I just run around the neighborhood - but other times I stray all the way to the busiest of streets.
But my Savior - oh, my precious, beautiful Savior - He loved me enough to pay the price for my disobedience; but it was so much more than just a couple hundred dollars. He gave His life. For me, who so often deliberately chooses against Him. Who can never really return His great love for me. Who can't even fathom what He went through for me.
We love Caspian - despite his flaws, his lack of dedication, his will to run away. And we had to pay a lot of money to get him back, even though he barely cared.
But that's only a *tinytinytiny* picture of God's love for us - and how....how much He gave to redeem us.
I found this song just the other day, and...oh, it's so powerful. It's just a simple piano/voice arrangement, but oh, how beautiful it is.
My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.
Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job. For who am I to serve You?I know I don't deserve You. And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.
Chorus
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
You are so patient with me, Lord.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.
Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
My Child, I love you.
Oh, the power in those words.
Have a blessed Easter, friends!
His name is Caspian.
[*From the book, not the movie,* my brother would say]
He's super cute, absolutely gorgeous, and a source of great amusement in our family.
Really, what's not to love?
But he's got a rebellious streak in him, and he likes to take every opportunity to escape from his fenced area.
Usually, a quick drive around our neighborhood and calling his name a few times will prove effective.
But earlier this week, he got out again - and this time, despite 3 hours of driving, calling, and searching - to parts of the neighborhood I didn't know existed - it was getting dark and we still hadn't found him.
He hadn't come back the next morning, so we made something like 50 signs and biked all over the place, putting them up, asking around if anyone had seen him.
Later that day, mom decided to go down to the pound to see if anyone had heard news of him there - and guess who had spent the night in a doggy-cell?
Usually he doesn't wander any farther than our neighborhood, but they told mom he was picked up just off of one of the busiest streets just outside our neighborhood.
To get your dog out of the pound, you have to pay money. And we had to register him, too.
And when all was said and done, we'd paid quite a large amount of that green stuff. For what? A dog who had deliberately run away, hadn't come back, and hardly even cared? And even if he had cared, he couldn't even begin to appreciate the kind of energies (monetary and time especially) that we spent to get him back.
Yet - this is the very sacrifice Jesus paid for our souls - only so, so much more.
How often have I run away from my Maker? Deliberately chose what was wrong? Sometimes I just run around the neighborhood - but other times I stray all the way to the busiest of streets.
But my Savior - oh, my precious, beautiful Savior - He loved me enough to pay the price for my disobedience; but it was so much more than just a couple hundred dollars. He gave His life. For me, who so often deliberately chooses against Him. Who can never really return His great love for me. Who can't even fathom what He went through for me.
We love Caspian - despite his flaws, his lack of dedication, his will to run away. And we had to pay a lot of money to get him back, even though he barely cared.
But that's only a *tinytinytiny* picture of God's love for us - and how....how much He gave to redeem us.
I found this song just the other day, and...oh, it's so powerful. It's just a simple piano/voice arrangement, but oh, how beautiful it is.
My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.
I see the things You do through me as great things I have done. And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me and hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.
Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abound?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged, knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job. For who am I to serve You?I know I don't deserve You. And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.
Chorus
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
You are so patient with me, Lord.
As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means. The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary. So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You
by giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.
Chorus:
I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up, when I keep on letting you down?
And each time I will fall short of Your glory, how far will forgiveness abounds?"
And you answer: " My child, I love you.
And as long as you're seeking My face, You'll walk in the pow'r of My daily sufficient grace."
My Child, I love you.
Oh, the power in those words.
Have a blessed Easter, friends!
Monday, April 4
Strength.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
And He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So I have this like, giant string of songs that I really want to blog about, but I don't want to bore you by posting endless lyrics and embedding youtube videos. Alas, I'm not quite sure how else to do it, so here we are.
This song is called "I'm not Alright" by Sanctus Real.
Originally I thought it was going to be one of those depressing screamo-ish sort of "my life is miserable" sort of songs, because it started out that way. But in the end I fell in love with it, because it's not like that at all.
Favorite lyrics:
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
'til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on.
'Cause honestly, I'm not that strong.
Just that...I try so hard. I want so much to look good to people...to model Christianity and get it right. I mean, God is truth, and I gotta show 'em that I'm right, you know?
But honestly, I'm not that strong.
I think I'm so great, that I'm so awesome and important. But I'm not - only God is. Oh, doesn't it make you shudder? Just the thrill that God is so much greater than me. Bigger than me. Stronger, more powerful, more perfect, holy, and righteous. He's God.
Second favorite part of this song: All the time it's talking about how our imperfection leads us to Christ. And it ended so absolutely perfectly: That's why I need You.
If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You, it leads me to You
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
'til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on.
'Cause honestly, I'm not that strong.
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You
And I'll move,
and I'll move,
and I'll move,
Closer to You
I'm not alright I'm broken inside
Broken inside
I'm broken inside, Broken inside
And all I go through leads me to You
Leads me to You
I'm not alright, I'm not alright
I'm not alright.
...that's why I need You.
And He said to me: "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
So I have this like, giant string of songs that I really want to blog about, but I don't want to bore you by posting endless lyrics and embedding youtube videos. Alas, I'm not quite sure how else to do it, so here we are.
This song is called "I'm not Alright" by Sanctus Real.
Originally I thought it was going to be one of those depressing screamo-ish sort of "my life is miserable" sort of songs, because it started out that way. But in the end I fell in love with it, because it's not like that at all.
Favorite lyrics:
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
'til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on.
'Cause honestly, I'm not that strong.
Just that...I try so hard. I want so much to look good to people...to model Christianity and get it right. I mean, God is truth, and I gotta show 'em that I'm right, you know?
But honestly, I'm not that strong.
I think I'm so great, that I'm so awesome and important. But I'm not - only God is. Oh, doesn't it make you shudder? Just the thrill that God is so much greater than me. Bigger than me. Stronger, more powerful, more perfect, holy, and righteous. He's God.
Second favorite part of this song: All the time it's talking about how our imperfection leads us to Christ. And it ended so absolutely perfectly: That's why I need You.
If weakness is a wound that no one wants to speak of
Then "cool" is just how far we have to fall
And I am not immune, I only want to be loved
But I feel safe behind the firewall
Can I lose my need to impress?
If you want the truth I need to confess
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside, broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You, it leads me to You
Burn away the pride
Bring me to my weakness
'til everything I hide behind is gone
And when I'm open wide with nothing left to cling to
Only You are there to lead me on.
'Cause honestly, I'm not that strong.
I'm not alright, I'm broken inside
Broken inside
And all I go through, it leads me to You
It leads me to You
And I'll move,
and I'll move,
and I'll move,
Closer to You
I'm not alright I'm broken inside
Broken inside
I'm broken inside, Broken inside
And all I go through leads me to You
Leads me to You
I'm not alright, I'm not alright
I'm not alright.
...that's why I need You.
Monday, January 31
More grace?
I find myself repeatedly saying to God - "God, can I have a little more grace this time? If you just give me grace on this...I should be good for awhile."
What?!
Sometimes I wonder how God could love me, which such wretched thoughts that go on in my mind.
I don't just need God's grace for certain things and then I'm "good for awhile". Eesh. Where did you get that idea, Hannah?
I need to live daily by His grace.
I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain. [Galatians 2:20-21]
For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. for the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Therefore, do not let sin reign in your mortal body,, that you should obey it in its lusts. and do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace!
What then? Sheall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not. Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed form the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. [Romans 6:7-17]
What?!
Sometimes I wonder how God could love me, which such wretched thoughts that go on in my mind.
I don't just need God's grace for certain things and then I'm "good for awhile". Eesh. Where did you get that idea, Hannah?
I need to live daily by His grace.
I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness comes through the law, then Christ died in vain. [Galatians 2:20-21]
For he who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. for the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Therefore, do not let sin reign in your mortal body,, that you should obey it in its lusts. and do not present your members as instruments of unrighteousness to sin, but present yourselves to God as being alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace!
What then? Sheall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? Certainly not. Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death or of obedience leading to righteousness? But God be thanked that though you were slaves of sin, yet you obeyed form the heart that form of doctrine to which you were delivered. [Romans 6:7-17]
Wednesday, January 12
In which I blog to myself.
Okay, so I think I'd better clarify a few things. First off, the actual quote is not "idiot" it's "insanity" (although the two are very closely related =D ) Second of all....I guess..hmm. I got a lot of comments from people about how I shouldn't be degrading myself or labeling myself as a certain way. That's not really what I'm doing...just identifying a certain type of behavior that God has convicted me of.
Idiot: Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
I was thinking. How do we expect to live lives for Jesus, changed lives, lives of radical surrender and love for Him if we're not willing to give anything up? If we're not willing to stop doing what we are doing and start doing what He wants us to do? If we continually keep the same habits, same ideas, refusing to let go of the sin that keeps hold of us....will we ever get different results? Will we ever be changed? Of course not.
I like to plan. I like to plan a lot. But I'm not so good at sticking to that plan. (But I'm really good at the planning.) So I plan, I plan, and I say, okay, I'm going to do this at this time so that I can do this next and then this....but never actually get it done. Yet I still expect that "this time will be different" or "I'll get it right this time".
I've been doing this since I was 7 years old. (Like I said, I'm pretty good at planning.)
I cling to perfection, to thinking I can do it my way, that if I just try one more time, I can get it right on my own.
What?
Maybe Hannah needs to hear this again.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Or the harsher one, that cuts a lot deeper,
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Really, Hannah?
The only way we can live radical lives for God is if we let Him change us, if we let go of our own plans, the things we stick to like glue the things we want to keep and hold onto forever, little things we try over and over again in attempt to do it ourselves, saying "God, let me try just one more time. I think I can get it this time." I cling to things that are the same. I don't like to let things I do go because if I do, it makes me vulnerable, and it makes me disorganized, and it makes me the weaker one.
But...I am the weaker one. God is the stronger one. He is the one whose plan actually matters. He is the one who can bring things to pass...not me. Since when did my agenda work? It didn't work when I was 7 and it doesn't work when I'm 17, and it won't work when I'm 27 or 57 or 97.
We can't live the lives we live in sin and expect that God will just give us what we want, or that we'll have a nice life, or that God will give us big, important responsibilities. We can't say we've been changed by God, that we're living our lives for Him when we refuse to even let Him change the way we think and live.
I have to allow Him to break down the walls I hide behind, to radically change the way I live, for there to be fruit.
The ideal, the concept of change, of doing things for God's glory is so easy and nice to imagine and get excited about. But it's such a completely different thing to allow God to work that in my life.
By the aforementioned definition, I have the habits of one who is an idiot. Or insane. Or however you call it.
Oh, Praise God for His endless grace.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
I was thinking. How do we expect to live lives for Jesus, changed lives, lives of radical surrender and love for Him if we're not willing to give anything up? If we're not willing to stop doing what we are doing and start doing what He wants us to do? If we continually keep the same habits, same ideas, refusing to let go of the sin that keeps hold of us....will we ever get different results? Will we ever be changed? Of course not.
I like to plan. I like to plan a lot. But I'm not so good at sticking to that plan. (But I'm really good at the planning.) So I plan, I plan, and I say, okay, I'm going to do this at this time so that I can do this next and then this....but never actually get it done. Yet I still expect that "this time will be different" or "I'll get it right this time".
I've been doing this since I was 7 years old. (Like I said, I'm pretty good at planning.)
I cling to perfection, to thinking I can do it my way, that if I just try one more time, I can get it right on my own.
What?
Maybe Hannah needs to hear this again.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got.
Or the harsher one, that cuts a lot deeper,
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Really, Hannah?
The only way we can live radical lives for God is if we let Him change us, if we let go of our own plans, the things we stick to like glue the things we want to keep and hold onto forever, little things we try over and over again in attempt to do it ourselves, saying "God, let me try just one more time. I think I can get it this time." I cling to things that are the same. I don't like to let things I do go because if I do, it makes me vulnerable, and it makes me disorganized, and it makes me the weaker one.
But...I am the weaker one. God is the stronger one. He is the one whose plan actually matters. He is the one who can bring things to pass...not me. Since when did my agenda work? It didn't work when I was 7 and it doesn't work when I'm 17, and it won't work when I'm 27 or 57 or 97.
We can't live the lives we live in sin and expect that God will just give us what we want, or that we'll have a nice life, or that God will give us big, important responsibilities. We can't say we've been changed by God, that we're living our lives for Him when we refuse to even let Him change the way we think and live.
I have to allow Him to break down the walls I hide behind, to radically change the way I live, for there to be fruit.
The ideal, the concept of change, of doing things for God's glory is so easy and nice to imagine and get excited about. But it's such a completely different thing to allow God to work that in my life.
By the aforementioned definition, I have the habits of one who is an idiot. Or insane. Or however you call it.
Oh, Praise God for His endless grace.
Friday, December 31
Motivation
I've been thinking a lot about commitment, goals, and the weight of my words and actions. (this is a new years post, just so you know. =P )
Lately, I've been taking advantage of the fact that I'm really really good at doing things last minute.
I don't say that to brag. In fact it's a terrible weakness of mine.
I can memorize my speech the night before the tournament and still do well.
I can study new vocab right before taking the test and remember it.
I have fabulous short-term memory.
Basically, I can learn quickly. I can also rattle of said learned information and sound like I know what I'm talking about.
In the past couple years, though, I haven't really internalized much of what I've learned. That's not to say that I haven't learned anything, but that a lot of my life has been lived on the surface.
I could go into a lot more here, and I will in a later post. But lately I've been thinking about everything I say as if I was binding myself into a legal contract.
A couple weeks ago, I was challenged by the speaker in awana who was talking about how she made the commitment when she was 12 years old to read her Bible every day for at least 5 minutes a day.
At first I thought this kind of weird. Then I thought again. And I found it a rather brilliant idea.
So I wrote up a little piece of paper stating my commitment, signed it, put it in an envelope, and stuck it in my Bible.
I have now committed to reading my Bible at least 5 minutes every single day for the rest of my life.
One person I talked to was slightly taken aback at first.
"Isn't that kind of a lofty goal?"
I mean, you know, we all make New Years' resolutions, and almost half of them are unreachable ideals that we set to make ourselves feel better, or at least so that at the end of the year we can say "well, I tried."
But if you think about it, that's such a tiny little commitment. 5 minutes a day. Out of how many minutes in our crazy days?
And what else does Christ ask of us but for the rest of my life? I say my life is committed to Christ, but what does that mean?
Well, for me, it means that every day for the rest of my life, I am going to spend time reading His word.
It's kind of big, but if you think about it, it's really rather small. Yet this is what God asks of us.
Since then, it's been crazy how impactful the idea of my signature on that piece of paper is.
That means if I miss one single day, I've broken my commitment: one I made to Christ. That's pretty huge, you know.
I don't have many goals for the coming new year. (2011. Isn't that kind of scary?) But one of my goals this year is to reach all my goals. How about that?
So often we make them just to make us feel better, to sort of put us in an ambitious mindset in hopes of reaching the perfect ideal. As if writing it down is going to magically make it happen.
Since I've been so good at doing things last minute, the concept of working for something is sort of hard to grasp sometimes. But that really hit home to me when I went to Nats last year. [see my Nationals tag for more about that] Learning what it means to work hard for a goal and to reach it.
One of my friends pointed out that I'm really goal oriented. I never really thought of myself as particularly this way, but the more I think about it, the more it's true. When I set my mind to something, I really do do it. The fact is that I haven't been setting my mind to very much...just sort of flitting around and only halfway setting my mind to things.
So here's to the New Year: setting my mind on knowing Christ - and actually reaching my goals. My goal is to be committed. To my friends, my family, my schoolwork, and my Savior. What are your goals?
Lately, I've been taking advantage of the fact that I'm really really good at doing things last minute.
I don't say that to brag. In fact it's a terrible weakness of mine.
I can memorize my speech the night before the tournament and still do well.
I can study new vocab right before taking the test and remember it.
I have fabulous short-term memory.
Basically, I can learn quickly. I can also rattle of said learned information and sound like I know what I'm talking about.
In the past couple years, though, I haven't really internalized much of what I've learned. That's not to say that I haven't learned anything, but that a lot of my life has been lived on the surface.
I could go into a lot more here, and I will in a later post. But lately I've been thinking about everything I say as if I was binding myself into a legal contract.
A couple weeks ago, I was challenged by the speaker in awana who was talking about how she made the commitment when she was 12 years old to read her Bible every day for at least 5 minutes a day.
At first I thought this kind of weird. Then I thought again. And I found it a rather brilliant idea.
So I wrote up a little piece of paper stating my commitment, signed it, put it in an envelope, and stuck it in my Bible.
I have now committed to reading my Bible at least 5 minutes every single day for the rest of my life.
One person I talked to was slightly taken aback at first.
"Isn't that kind of a lofty goal?"
I mean, you know, we all make New Years' resolutions, and almost half of them are unreachable ideals that we set to make ourselves feel better, or at least so that at the end of the year we can say "well, I tried."
But if you think about it, that's such a tiny little commitment. 5 minutes a day. Out of how many minutes in our crazy days?
And what else does Christ ask of us but for the rest of my life? I say my life is committed to Christ, but what does that mean?
Well, for me, it means that every day for the rest of my life, I am going to spend time reading His word.
It's kind of big, but if you think about it, it's really rather small. Yet this is what God asks of us.
Since then, it's been crazy how impactful the idea of my signature on that piece of paper is.
That means if I miss one single day, I've broken my commitment: one I made to Christ. That's pretty huge, you know.
I don't have many goals for the coming new year. (2011. Isn't that kind of scary?) But one of my goals this year is to reach all my goals. How about that?
So often we make them just to make us feel better, to sort of put us in an ambitious mindset in hopes of reaching the perfect ideal. As if writing it down is going to magically make it happen.
Since I've been so good at doing things last minute, the concept of working for something is sort of hard to grasp sometimes. But that really hit home to me when I went to Nats last year. [see my Nationals tag for more about that] Learning what it means to work hard for a goal and to reach it.
One of my friends pointed out that I'm really goal oriented. I never really thought of myself as particularly this way, but the more I think about it, the more it's true. When I set my mind to something, I really do do it. The fact is that I haven't been setting my mind to very much...just sort of flitting around and only halfway setting my mind to things.
So here's to the New Year: setting my mind on knowing Christ - and actually reaching my goals. My goal is to be committed. To my friends, my family, my schoolwork, and my Savior. What are your goals?
Monday, November 29
Christian-in-a-Box
I'm a Bible quizzer. I've always been the one to finish my book first, memorize it all word-perfect, and be able to pull it out of my head at any time and even tell you the color of the page the verse was on. That's the way my brain works, and I always had trouble understanding why others had such a hard time memorizing.
But recently, I've been really complacent and lazy about memorizing Scripture, to the point that sometimes it's not as enjoyable as it used to be. And not just that, but meditating on it as well.
Growing up in a Christian home, I've been able to recite Scripture as long as I can remember. I know John 3:16, Philippians 4:13, Romans 3:23, Acts 16:31, Colossians 3:20, Isaiah 9:6, Psalm 23, Proverbs 3:5-6....the list gos on and on.
Lately, however, I've let that slip in my mind. I think "oh, everyone quotes THOSE verses"
Everyone knows them. There's nothing new under the sun. Just about every so-called Christian in the world can tell you what John 3:16 is.
I mean, honestly, how many times have you head that verse? (it's actually one of the hardest verses to quote word perfect because of it's high popularity and extensive number of quoted versions) Or Romans 3:23? Philippians 4:13? Psalm 23? A Lot.
As Christians who've been in Christian homes our whole loves, we sort of forget about those verses and think "Oh, everyone knows it". We think it won't have that much impact since everyone has heard it like, a billion times before. We don't think about the importance of that verse to us because it's so over-quoted. (Honestly, who hasn't gotten a card with the blessing from Numbers that says "the Lord bless and keep you...?")
The truth is in Hebrews 4:12 - But the word of God is living and powerful, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the divisions of soul and spirit and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.I don't know about you, but that's pretty powerful stuff right there.
Living.
Powerful.
Piercing to my soul.
Discerning >wince< the intents of my heart.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
That by itself is powerful.
I shall not want.
Why? Because the Lord is my shepherd. What does that have to do with it? Because HE is my provision, HE is my all...when I trust in Him...my wants die away.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Phil. 4:13)
ALL is a beautiful, universal word meaning everything. I think we often underestimate the power of the word ALL. It means ALL.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son - that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life. (John 3:16)
Meditate on the power of that.
Never underestimate the power of Scripture...even the verses we deem "trivial" or "over-quoted." Why are they quoted so much? Because of their power. Because of their meaning. Treasure those verses, hide them in your heart.
God's word is one of our most powerful tools for connecting with Him. He inspired it. (1 Tim 3:16-17), it keeps us from sin (Ps. 119:11), and makes our path clear. (Ps. 119:105)
I used to think "well, the Bible doesn't explicitly say whether or not I can do certain things. So how does it help keep me from sin?" (Rom. 3:20)
James says To him who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.
And in Hebrews If we continue in sin after receiving knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.
This is how scripture helps to keep me on the right path. I've had a pretty sharp conscience since I was a kid, but I've let it become dull lately. Remembering that verse has always been a sharp reminder of what I should - or shouldn't do.
I know I treasure letters and cards from people I love. I read them over and over. I save them and make sure they're never left where they could be destroyed.
Do I treat God's word like that? My father's love letter to me? It's not just a book Christians follow: it's GOD'S living word.
Treasure it.
Saturday, July 17
A dream to believe in
This darling little post has been sitting in my drafts folder ever since before Nationals, begging to be posted. I've hesitated posting it for a long time because it's long, has no pictures...and well, it's long. But it's a huge thing that the Lord did in my life with speech & debate, so I hope it's a blessing to all who make it through the whole thing... (:
I've wanted to post for a long time about my experience with getting to Nationals. The whole trip was/is rather....surreal. I suppose it's because I'm such a novice, and on top of that, I've never competed in anything outside of the state, (besides Idaho this year), much less a Nation-wide competition.
I've always felt, for a long time, that National competitions were for the super-smart people. The people who were really good and had the perfect opportunities and coaches and were just...well. Super good. And aside from the distant (now pretty much shattered - but that's okay) dream of going to Awana quiz nationals (which you don't have to qualify to get to), I'd never really wanted to do anything big.
Nationals is big......but not that big. It put into perspective for me the kind of potential God has given people.
My thwarted views of "who" could go to a National tournament kind of pushed me down a little for awhile. That is, until I discovered that the National tournament was in Virginia - where some of my amazing friends live. Now I've really wanted to see these friends for a super long time, and this was a HUGE motivation for me to work harder.
I can tell you right now, I have never thrown myself into something - anything - with as much passion as I did for this tournament. I wanted more than anything in the world to qualify for Nationals - and see these friends - and suddenly, all the time I spent doing other things (anything besides school) seemed like a waste of time if I could be practicing my speech. (okay, I wasn't that obsessed. But you get the idea.)
I have other friends who have gone to national competitions before, and one in particular has a passion for working towards something like I've never seen in a person. This friend has a saying of "Don't be the best you can be - be the best there ever was." And while that can seem vain sometimes, it was another one of those things that reminded me that I have so much more potential in Christ. Not that you are the best, but that we should strive for more. Reach for more because God has so much more He can do through us.
Anyway, this friend of mine went to DC for a competition - and what it put into perspective for me was that qualifying for a national competition is a very big thing - but also a very real, attainable goal. Not just something for the "good people". (I shall note, this friend is super good)
It's humbling when I look back on the work I did to "get there". Because I know I didn't actually give my best. I gave more than I usually did - but I don't think I gave my best. I mentioned in the post about my IO being dq'ed (disqualified) that I put a lot of things off and didn't work on speech when I should have. But I think there was also a focus somewhere in there - stronger than my horrible procrastination habits - that drove me.
Another thing is that this was a very small goal in comparison to the larger-picture things I seem to do....not just "becoming a better pianist/flutist" or "doing well in school" or "managing my time better"...I guess I could see the end of the tunnel a little better. Nationals was set in my mind as June 7-11, in order to get there I had to be prepared at Regionals in March.
Some people have asked me what I've learned in speech. And my answer is....too many things to count. But one of them is this: I can do anything I want. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean that in the rebellious/wild/crazy way. What I mean is this: We have potential in Christ. If you have a dream, and God gives you a green light, don't hesitate to throw yourself into it. We are created to do so much more for Christ, to impact the world for His Kingdom. And nothing should stop us. No, not even a disqualification. (:
We, the children of God, saved by His sacrifice for us, have incredibly potential to reach others for His glory. What can we do but give it back to Him in total surrender? To reach higher, for all that He has created us to be - living entirely for Him.
When I look back at that speech & debate year, I can only gaze in awe at the wonder of how God works.
-He provided the means for 2 Washington qualifiers
-He gave me 2nd place in my first qualifier
-He enabled me to memorize my speech & finish my boards the night before the tournament - well enough to place 2nd.
-He provided the means to travel to the Idaho tournament where I placed 2nd with my IO
-He provided the time and creativity to cut and block the duo Raymond and I did which ended up qualifying for Regionls. (just a quick!let's-throw-this-together-duo)
-He put Regionals in Washington. Often enough it's out of state or a 2-hour drive away - but not only was it Washington, and in Renton,
-He put it 5 minutes away from my house. As if that weren't enough,
-He put Regionals in a church I had grown up in and was familiar with.
-He disqualified me from Regionals. I know that sounds crazy, but it ended up being a blessing, because I learned what it means to accept God's will.
-He gave me the at large slot for Nationals. You have NO idea how positively thrilled I was!! ;)
-Weeks later, He gave Raymond and I the roll-down slot for our duo to Nationals. (How many novices qualify for nationals in 2 events?! God is AMAZING. Because it's not my skill, it's how He worked through me. And it simply leaves me in awe.)
-He provided the means to get to Nationals. Plane tickets. Hotel room. Rental car. God did that. He kept us all healthy.
-He took me to semi-finals in my IO, gave me 10th in the Nation. And when I look at that, 10th in the Nation is pretty cool. But when I walked across the stage to get my medal, I didn't get the thrill I thought I would. I thought I'd feel amazing for being 10th in the Nation. But I didn't. What I think was amazing was what God did - to take me there.
-And, at the end of the week, He gave me a wonderful time with some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for.
Us with our friends in Charlottesville. The time we spent with these wonderful friends was probably one of the best weeks of my whole summer - so far! =]
Nationals was not all I expected it to be - yet here I am, at the end of the tunnel titled "Hannah's Novice NCFCA Year". It's been a journey I'll never forget, because God knew what He was doing when this ignorant novice walked into the Silversmith club in September of '09. He knew it would end like this, even though I didn't. And I can tell you, my time in Virginia was completely worth every bit of the heart, tears, hours, magnets, and gluesticks I put into it. (:
I've wanted to post for a long time about my experience with getting to Nationals. The whole trip was/is rather....surreal. I suppose it's because I'm such a novice, and on top of that, I've never competed in anything outside of the state, (besides Idaho this year), much less a Nation-wide competition.
I've always felt, for a long time, that National competitions were for the super-smart people. The people who were really good and had the perfect opportunities and coaches and were just...well. Super good. And aside from the distant (now pretty much shattered - but that's okay) dream of going to Awana quiz nationals (which you don't have to qualify to get to), I'd never really wanted to do anything big.
Nationals is big......but not that big. It put into perspective for me the kind of potential God has given people.
My thwarted views of "who" could go to a National tournament kind of pushed me down a little for awhile. That is, until I discovered that the National tournament was in Virginia - where some of my amazing friends live. Now I've really wanted to see these friends for a super long time, and this was a HUGE motivation for me to work harder.
I can tell you right now, I have never thrown myself into something - anything - with as much passion as I did for this tournament. I wanted more than anything in the world to qualify for Nationals - and see these friends - and suddenly, all the time I spent doing other things (anything besides school) seemed like a waste of time if I could be practicing my speech. (okay, I wasn't that obsessed. But you get the idea.)
I have other friends who have gone to national competitions before, and one in particular has a passion for working towards something like I've never seen in a person. This friend has a saying of "Don't be the best you can be - be the best there ever was." And while that can seem vain sometimes, it was another one of those things that reminded me that I have so much more potential in Christ. Not that you are the best, but that we should strive for more. Reach for more because God has so much more He can do through us.
Anyway, this friend of mine went to DC for a competition - and what it put into perspective for me was that qualifying for a national competition is a very big thing - but also a very real, attainable goal. Not just something for the "good people". (I shall note, this friend is super good)
It's humbling when I look back on the work I did to "get there". Because I know I didn't actually give my best. I gave more than I usually did - but I don't think I gave my best. I mentioned in the post about my IO being dq'ed (disqualified) that I put a lot of things off and didn't work on speech when I should have. But I think there was also a focus somewhere in there - stronger than my horrible procrastination habits - that drove me.
Another thing is that this was a very small goal in comparison to the larger-picture things I seem to do....not just "becoming a better pianist/flutist" or "doing well in school" or "managing my time better"...I guess I could see the end of the tunnel a little better. Nationals was set in my mind as June 7-11, in order to get there I had to be prepared at Regionals in March.
Some people have asked me what I've learned in speech. And my answer is....too many things to count. But one of them is this: I can do anything I want. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean that in the rebellious/wild/crazy way. What I mean is this: We have potential in Christ. If you have a dream, and God gives you a green light, don't hesitate to throw yourself into it. We are created to do so much more for Christ, to impact the world for His Kingdom. And nothing should stop us. No, not even a disqualification. (:
We, the children of God, saved by His sacrifice for us, have incredibly potential to reach others for His glory. What can we do but give it back to Him in total surrender? To reach higher, for all that He has created us to be - living entirely for Him.
When I look back at that speech & debate year, I can only gaze in awe at the wonder of how God works.
-He provided the means for 2 Washington qualifiers
-He gave me 2nd place in my first qualifier
-He enabled me to memorize my speech & finish my boards the night before the tournament - well enough to place 2nd.
-He provided the means to travel to the Idaho tournament where I placed 2nd with my IO
-He provided the time and creativity to cut and block the duo Raymond and I did which ended up qualifying for Regionls. (just a quick!let's-throw-this-together-duo)
-He put Regionals in Washington. Often enough it's out of state or a 2-hour drive away - but not only was it Washington, and in Renton,
-He put it 5 minutes away from my house. As if that weren't enough,
-He put Regionals in a church I had grown up in and was familiar with.
-He disqualified me from Regionals. I know that sounds crazy, but it ended up being a blessing, because I learned what it means to accept God's will.
-He gave me the at large slot for Nationals. You have NO idea how positively thrilled I was!! ;)
-Weeks later, He gave Raymond and I the roll-down slot for our duo to Nationals. (How many novices qualify for nationals in 2 events?! God is AMAZING. Because it's not my skill, it's how He worked through me. And it simply leaves me in awe.)
-He provided the means to get to Nationals. Plane tickets. Hotel room. Rental car. God did that. He kept us all healthy.
-He took me to semi-finals in my IO, gave me 10th in the Nation. And when I look at that, 10th in the Nation is pretty cool. But when I walked across the stage to get my medal, I didn't get the thrill I thought I would. I thought I'd feel amazing for being 10th in the Nation. But I didn't. What I think was amazing was what God did - to take me there.
-And, at the end of the week, He gave me a wonderful time with some of the most amazing friends anyone could ask for.
Us with our friends in Charlottesville. The time we spent with these wonderful friends was probably one of the best weeks of my whole summer - so far! =] Nationals was not all I expected it to be - yet here I am, at the end of the tunnel titled "Hannah's Novice NCFCA Year". It's been a journey I'll never forget, because God knew what He was doing when this ignorant novice walked into the Silversmith club in September of '09. He knew it would end like this, even though I didn't. And I can tell you, my time in Virginia was completely worth every bit of the heart, tears, hours, magnets, and gluesticks I put into it. (:
Wednesday, June 23
Nationals! [part VI - to the attic]
I'm really not quite sure where to start, and I'm dreadfully determined to keep this short and not drawn out. Which is fortunate, because speech tournaments have a way of draining me of sounding anything near articulate and descriptive.Nationals. It was....a lot different than I was expecting. I thought it would be a life changing, inspiring, hopefully victorious tournament - but it wasn't. It was life changing, yes, but in an entirely different way. I expected to have the Hannah-on-speech-energy-thrill the whole time. But I wasn't.
I'm rather ashamed to admit I was a bit of a jerk for the first half of the tournament. It was Nationals, and this was supposed to be my tournament. I was the speech geek, and I fear I thought I should be in the center of attention.Towards the end of the week, I sort of regained myself, and the rest of the tournament was most enjoyable.
As for actual speeches, they went very well - and I'll pause here to say thank you all so much for praying for me. I could feel it, I really could. The duo didn't break, but I broke to semis with my IO, and ended up placing 10th.
Before he gave out the awards, Mr. Larimer, the president of NCFCA, told us that these awards - in a couple of years - wouldn't matter. No one would care who got 5th and who got 1st. That gigantic trophy? It'll end up in the attic sooner or later.
And you know what? He was right. I expected to get this thrill when I walked across the stage to receive my 10th place medal. I mean, goodness, it's Nationals. The highest level of speech competition there is. Not to mention that this is my first year in speech. But it was no different than any other stage.
But that cheap little medal is so insignificant compared to the friendships I built that week. What I want to hold dear to me of that week is not the fact that I came in 10th in the nation, but the sweet memories with my friends - in between rounds, in halls before rounds, during meals, worship - this is what is important to me.
I had a grand time giving my speeches...making people laugh with the duo and sharing the message in my IO. Speech is SO much fun, and not only have I made amazing friends, but I've learned so much...about communication, people, and God.
My IO is on the depth of God's truth within Chinese characters - and the high point of my speech is the character for righteousness - formed by the character lamb over the character me.
Lamb
Me
Righteousness
One of my dear friends encouraged me with Ps. 71:16 - way back when I first began this speech - and she didn't even know my speech was on righteousness at that time.
I will go in the strength of the LORD, I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only.
This, is what my speech is about. I am here for one purpose, and one only, and that is to bring glory to my Father, the one who enabled me to go so far in the first place. My speech is His, the message is His, and I share it - so that others may see His light.
Tuesday, April 20
Oh, oh, oh!
[Sorry this is so incredibly late. I'm catching up, really. I wrote a majority of this right after Idaho but have just gotten around to posting it. Regionals post is coming soon.]
I had the most FABULOUS time at the Idaho tournament over March 18-20. The week preceding was filled with seehowmuchofyourspeechyoucancramintooneday! along with script submission forms, last minute duo changes, and more double stick tape and magnets than a sane person should be handling at one time.
After frantically scurrying around, trying to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything of significant importance, (mind you, this was the first time Raymond and I had gone anywhere without mom or dad. It took awhile to get out the door. =P) we all got in the car and drove to the M's house, since they were taking us. After mom and dad had left (and I had checked the car 3 times to make sure nothing of significance was left in there), we proceeded to spend the next 2 hours chasing angry chickens and running around their house, making sure we hadn't forgotten anything of significant importance.
And off we went!
I love this picture.
We had way too much fun on this car trip.
Sarah, who I called "my monkey" for most of the trip, making her "Giant" face for her speech
I have officially adopted her as another of my little sisters.
Self Explanatory.
Sorry for the bad video quality....this was before I switched to using Raymond's camera. This was right about when we reached Spokane.
We were frantically trying to get Raymond's camera set up so we could film us actually crossing the boarder.
Okay, so maybe I was a *little* excited about getting to Idaho....
(Here you get to hear my "Idaho poem" which was composed specially for the tournament)
We arrived at the church,
survived script submissions and registration,
and then stopped at a Mexican restaurant for dinner with the M family, Mrs. M's brother's family, and Mrs. M's parents. Raymond and I were particularly amused by the "deep fried ice cream" on the dessert menu, which we all got to try in honor of Rebecca's birthday.
Rebecca, Sarah, and I all shared a room....and boy did we have good times.
This was actually our second night. The first night into the first day of the tournament was WAY to hectic to worry about taking pictures. =P
Sisters. =)
"Close your eyes and look like you're asleep!"
"AAAHHHH!!!!"
Bright and early the next morning, after frantic showers, inhaling our breakfast, last minute hair fixes, blazers, tie-malfunctions, and other such things as come with speech competitions, we all hurried out into a crisp, cool Idaho morning (translated as: FREEZING!) to drive to the church.
Just to illustrate how cold it was....
We found some of the most amusing things on the way...
Expensive energy drinks, no?
One LONG tournament day later...the mental-craze of the tournament is finally setting in as we marveled over this chicken like thing right outside the tournament...for which the video is unavailable. But know speech tournaments do weird things to your brain. (haven't I said this already?)
On the way home, we took the "Cliff Road", as Rebecca calls it, by Coeur d'Alene lake.
GORGEOUS.
For once I was satisfied with the results of my attempts-at-photography...
Sarah liked the hairpiece I used on day two, and she asked me to put it in her hair when we got home.
Little model <3
Next day...... Semis/Finals breaks. ...... AAAAAHHHHHH!!!
This is where Hannah gets overly hyper and excited.
Our duo (me and Raymond) broke to semis, but not to finals. My Dramatic Interp. broke to finals, as did my Illustrated Oratory.
Semis and finals have always been my favorite rounds (even though they are the most nerve racking)....I get the adrenaline rush and the energy high and run around frantically trying to find rooms, trying not to be nervous, watching some of the really good speeches, and enjoying myself immensely.
This is the kind of thing you do before you go into a round. Pace back and forth looking at patterns on the walls. =P
(actually, he wasn't waiting for a round. But he did find some kind of odd pattern)
Waiting for the awards ceremony with my friend Gabby...
Our duo placed 12th, my dramatic placed 6th, and my illustrated placed 3rd.
And little Miss Sarah competed in the Junior Tournament they held with "Jack and the Beanstalk" for her dramatic. She was the youngest competitor in the entire tournament and placed 3rd. I have never seen her so happy. :)
(she's the shortest one with the lovely green dress)
All in all, it was a lovely tournament and I had a fabulous time.
I had the most FABULOUS time at the Idaho tournament over March 18-20. The week preceding was filled with seehowmuchofyourspeechyoucancramintooneday! along with script submission forms, last minute duo changes, and more double stick tape and magnets than a sane person should be handling at one time.
After frantically scurrying around, trying to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything of significant importance, (mind you, this was the first time Raymond and I had gone anywhere without mom or dad. It took awhile to get out the door. =P) we all got in the car and drove to the M's house, since they were taking us. After mom and dad had left (and I had checked the car 3 times to make sure nothing of significance was left in there), we proceeded to spend the next 2 hours chasing angry chickens and running around their house, making sure we hadn't forgotten anything of significant importance.
And off we went!
Us Poor Washingtonians. So excited about a little bit of snow.
I love this picture.
We had way too much fun on this car trip.
Sarah, who I called "my monkey" for most of the trip, making her "Giant" face for her speech
I have officially adopted her as another of my little sisters.
Self Explanatory.
Sorry for the bad video quality....this was before I switched to using Raymond's camera. This was right about when we reached Spokane.
We were frantically trying to get Raymond's camera set up so we could film us actually crossing the boarder.
Okay, so maybe I was a *little* excited about getting to Idaho....
(Here you get to hear my "Idaho poem" which was composed specially for the tournament)
We arrived at the church,
survived script submissions and registration,and then stopped at a Mexican restaurant for dinner with the M family, Mrs. M's brother's family, and Mrs. M's parents. Raymond and I were particularly amused by the "deep fried ice cream" on the dessert menu, which we all got to try in honor of Rebecca's birthday.
Rebecca, Sarah, and I all shared a room....and boy did we have good times.
This was actually our second night. The first night into the first day of the tournament was WAY to hectic to worry about taking pictures. =PSisters. =)
"Close your eyes and look like you're asleep!"
"AAAHHHH!!!!"
Bright and early the next morning, after frantic showers, inhaling our breakfast, last minute hair fixes, blazers, tie-malfunctions, and other such things as come with speech competitions, we all hurried out into a crisp, cool Idaho morning (translated as: FREEZING!) to drive to the church.
Just to illustrate how cold it was....
We found some of the most amusing things on the way...
Expensive energy drinks, no?
One LONG tournament day later...the mental-craze of the tournament is finally setting in as we marveled over this chicken like thing right outside the tournament...for which the video is unavailable. But know speech tournaments do weird things to your brain. (haven't I said this already?)
On the way home, we took the "Cliff Road", as Rebecca calls it, by Coeur d'Alene lake.
GORGEOUS.
For once I was satisfied with the results of my attempts-at-photography...
Sarah liked the hairpiece I used on day two, and she asked me to put it in her hair when we got home.
Little model <3
Next day...... Semis/Finals breaks. ...... AAAAAHHHHHH!!!
This is where Hannah gets overly hyper and excited.
Our duo (me and Raymond) broke to semis, but not to finals. My Dramatic Interp. broke to finals, as did my Illustrated Oratory.Semis and finals have always been my favorite rounds (even though they are the most nerve racking)....I get the adrenaline rush and the energy high and run around frantically trying to find rooms, trying not to be nervous, watching some of the really good speeches, and enjoying myself immensely.
This is the kind of thing you do before you go into a round. Pace back and forth looking at patterns on the walls. =P
(actually, he wasn't waiting for a round. But he did find some kind of odd pattern)Waiting for the awards ceremony with my friend Gabby...
Our duo placed 12th, my dramatic placed 6th, and my illustrated placed 3rd.
And little Miss Sarah competed in the Junior Tournament they held with "Jack and the Beanstalk" for her dramatic. She was the youngest competitor in the entire tournament and placed 3rd. I have never seen her so happy. :)
(she's the shortest one with the lovely green dress)
All in all, it was a lovely tournament and I had a fabulous time.Saturday, March 27
(Don't) Look Back and Wonder...
There's 3 sides to "bittersweet", you know. There's "bittersweet", "bittersweet", and then just "bittersweet". Today was "bittersweet". The sort of tears you cry not because you're angry, not because you're sad, not because you're happy....just a sharp sort of throb in your heart where people used to be. It's like when you see someone and you're overjoyed to see them but it makes you realize how much you miss them and you can't seem to get enough of their company before you have to leave them again.
I need to make a list of all the precious few, absolutely FABULOUS days I have.
Today, I saw a bunch of my amazing good friends I haven't seen in a long time, got more hugs than I've had since I left church, and probably cried more than I have in the past month. I also got to talk to my big sister on the phone and do some catching up with another good friend I haven't seen in a year.
I saw so, so many people today that I miss a lot. But it was still a good day. A bittersweet day.
I need to make a list of all the precious few, absolutely FABULOUS days I have.
Today, I saw a bunch of my amazing good friends I haven't seen in a long time, got more hugs than I've had since I left church, and probably cried more than I have in the past month. I also got to talk to my big sister on the phone and do some catching up with another good friend I haven't seen in a year.
I saw so, so many people today that I miss a lot. But it was still a good day. A bittersweet day.
Monday, March 15
Lessons From Hours Of Speech Homework
I've just worked on my Illustrated Oratory boards for nearly exactly 5 1/2 hours.
I think I might explode or something.
At any rate, I got this idea while I was cutting various pieces of paper.
If you're like me, you can't draw in a straight line to save your life, unless you've got something to follow. And even then it's not all that great without a ruler.
Life is the same way. We're not going to be able to get to where we want to go unless we follow a path God has given us. And even then, without His word constantly guiding us, we will veer off the path.
I think I might explode or something.
At any rate, I got this idea while I was cutting various pieces of paper.
If you're like me, you can't draw in a straight line to save your life, unless you've got something to follow. And even then it's not all that great without a ruler.
Life is the same way. We're not going to be able to get to where we want to go unless we follow a path God has given us. And even then, without His word constantly guiding us, we will veer off the path.
Tuesday, March 9
What about your turban?
Our neighborhood is nearly entirely inhabited by Sikhs and Muslims. (You know, the turbaned people who drive taxis and pray five times a day and paint their houses neon orange)
But they're dedicated, rather peaceful people, actually. (at least the ones around us!)
I'm always seeing them walking and doing those weird stretches at the park. If you smile at them, they smile and nod, and sometimes they'll let they're overly hyper child pet your dog.
If you happen to be introduced to one by one of their English speaking children, they are always quite cheerful and happy to meet you.
And if you've ever had the opportunity to poke your head into their house, you would see rugs galore, tapestries, doorsigns, photos, and mats. There would also be a pleasant smell of food that lingers just about all the time. Their gardens are full of all sorts of fruits, vegetables, and other exotic plants.
Living in a neighborhood surrounded by them, I've met a couple myself. And they really are quite pleasant people.
They do all of this in their headcoverings, pillowing dresses, braids, turbans, and ancient slippers.
No matter how spiritually lost they may be, you've got to admire commitment like that. This is in today's world - where we are constantly being pushed and shoved around to fit under a certain expectation.
Haven't you noticed how easy it is to tell what religion they're from - or at least what group of people? Even from a really young age, you can tell - because little boys and girls aren't allowed to cut their hair. (at least, this is my understanding....)
As Christians, what makes us different? Are we always as pleasant to strangers as they are? People don't necessarily have to be able to tell your beliefs by a single glance. But what impression do they get after interacting with you?
No, I haven't forgotten. We are saved by grace through faith and not by works - which sadly many of these religions believe we have to do to be saved. So we don't have to dress up in long dresses and cover ourselves up to our noses and drive out to a temple five times a day.
But what God does want us to do is to be attentive to His leading - to separate ourselves from the world. You can't be the same "except for Jesus". There has to be change in your life.
Romans 12:2 says and do not conform to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind - that you may prove what is that good and acceptable, and perfect will of God.
Am I willing to face whatever discrimination may come so that Christ is proclaimed? Giving up certain styles of clothing, music, or speech? Where does my identity lie, and how does that play a role in my life?
Our way of life is influenced so heavily on what we believe about ourselves. What do my actions say about what I believe? What kind of "turban" do I wear? =P
Monday, February 22
Tournaments Do Weird Things To Us
Verve Tournament was last weekend!!! =D
Seriously, who doesn't love giant pieces of chocolate cake the size of your head and half-crazed line dancing to live bluegrass music and winning piles of trophies?
Seriously, who doesn't love giant pieces of chocolate cake the size of your head and half-crazed line dancing to live bluegrass music and winning piles of trophies?Okay, so I didn't win piles of trophies. Just one. (It's shiny and extremely sharp on the end. ::grin::) But other people did.
I love how speech tournaments end up being some of my best, most memorable weekends. I've only been to 2 and already I'm getting them all mixed up. But oh, I love it.....running frantically to a round, tournament pizza, meeting new people, slippers, blazers, breaks, skits, sharp trophies....
My Illustrated Oratory got 2nd place, which was extremely surprising. My dramatic only got 13th, but it was still loads of fun.
I ::cough:: will admit I memorized my speech the night before the tournament. And I was pretty nervous about it too.
So, a friend of mine and were having a conversation on gmail the other day about memorizing speeches. (this was pre-tournament as I was frantically trying to memorize)
Me: Thing is, I tend to do a good amount of forgetting when I'm extremely nervous.......
Friend: ah
hmm.
so don't get nervous! =D
Me: That's a good point.
About a day later, I sent an email to my sister and asked her to pray for my speech tournament. She wrote back and gave me this verse:
I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD; I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only.
I honestly thought this was the coolest verse in the world that God could have given me. Not only did it say "I will go in the strength of the Lord" (as in, He will give me the words, strength, and calm nerves for my speech), but "I will make mention of your righteousness..."
If you've seen my speech, you know that it's on Chinese characters and their connection to the Bible - and that the climactic point (and pretty much my thesis statement) is righteousness.
Is God amazing or what?
It was absolutely amazing how peaceful I felt during the rounds. Yes, I messed up, which usually caused my heart to go ::kerthump:: and my face to turn pink and I would fumble with the boards to pass the time while I remembered what came next. But that only happened once or twice, and for some reason I could still keep going smoothly and enjoyably.
It's amazing the peace God gives you when you know you are doing it for Him, that there is nothing to be afraid of, and that His joy is your strength. =)
I'll post more pictures soon!
Monday, February 8
Endless Emotions
Awhile ago, I wrote something along these lines in my facebook status: (although it was much shorter than this to accommodate facebook's word limit)
Chopin's thought process while writing his prelude in C♯ minor:
"I think I'll write a random prelude. Let's give it 4 sharps...and make it in C♯ minor."
::poses thoughtfully::
"I'll make a gorgeous melody, quite simple, for the first page. But then, I think I'll take ALL those notes and turn them into FLATS! Yes!"
::rubs hands together gleefully::
"Next, I think I'll write it so that the pedaling is so intricately delicate that students will get foot cramps trying to do it right"
::scribbles notes madly::
"Oooh! I have an idea. Let's put in a cadenza at the end. A *chromatic* one."
::the scheme deepens::
"Not only that, but why don't we make it be chromatic in FOUR DIFFERENT PATTERNS!"
::triumphantly publishes music, only to have it become a rarely played piece, left alone as the only piece in Op. 45::
As you can probably see, the learning process of this piece has not exactly been pleasant.
But if you look beyond that - the world of classical music is so intricately deep, with things you never imagined weaved into a single note.
I just finished up 2.5 hours of piano practice, with about 1 hour of that consisting of Chopin. But today was not a day of tedious chromatic scales and foot-cramping pedal patterns - today was a day of discovery.
Previously, my teacher asked me what I thought of when I thought of this piece. She wanted a story for me to think of.
I told her that it wasn't the type of piece that could be expressed with something material. It was an emotion, a color....anything but something you could touch or see or express in concrete terms.
So, taking the situation I was currently in, I played it with the kind of emotion that comes from pain, from something lost, from something you so desperately need.
Today I discovered that it's not that kind of a piece - at all.
I like to call a piece of joyful serenity made perfect with pain and sweetened with God's grace, blessings, and love.
It's the joy you find in the midst of the pain.
The peace you find to accept what you have lost.
The grace God gives you to give up what you know you cannot keep.
The blessings He lavishes upon you to show you His everlasting, eternal, all-encompassing love.
It's not bittersweet, because it's not both at once. It's not just plain happiness, because there is pain in there.
You've probably heard that it's the darkness that makes the light beautiful. It's the pain that makes the healing wonderful.
This piece is a full, deep, meaningful joy that you won't experience fully unless you have endured the pain beforehand.
Doesn't the depth of music that God has created excite you? Does it not leave you in awe and wonder of our Father in heaven?
There are so many different feelings you can pull out of this piece, and that's why I love it.
Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
PS - I wish I had a decent recording to give you, but I don't. I will be recording all my pieces at some point though, so eventually I will be able to share it with you.
Chopin's thought process while writing his prelude in C♯ minor:
"I think I'll write a random prelude. Let's give it 4 sharps...and make it in C♯ minor."
::poses thoughtfully::
"I'll make a gorgeous melody, quite simple, for the first page. But then, I think I'll take ALL those notes and turn them into FLATS! Yes!"
::rubs hands together gleefully::
"Next, I think I'll write it so that the pedaling is so intricately delicate that students will get foot cramps trying to do it right"
::scribbles notes madly::
"Oooh! I have an idea. Let's put in a cadenza at the end. A *chromatic* one."
::the scheme deepens::
"Not only that, but why don't we make it be chromatic in FOUR DIFFERENT PATTERNS!"
::triumphantly publishes music, only to have it become a rarely played piece, left alone as the only piece in Op. 45::
As you can probably see, the learning process of this piece has not exactly been pleasant.
But if you look beyond that - the world of classical music is so intricately deep, with things you never imagined weaved into a single note.
I just finished up 2.5 hours of piano practice, with about 1 hour of that consisting of Chopin. But today was not a day of tedious chromatic scales and foot-cramping pedal patterns - today was a day of discovery.
Previously, my teacher asked me what I thought of when I thought of this piece. She wanted a story for me to think of.
I told her that it wasn't the type of piece that could be expressed with something material. It was an emotion, a color....anything but something you could touch or see or express in concrete terms.
So, taking the situation I was currently in, I played it with the kind of emotion that comes from pain, from something lost, from something you so desperately need.
Today I discovered that it's not that kind of a piece - at all.
I like to call a piece of joyful serenity made perfect with pain and sweetened with God's grace, blessings, and love.
It's the joy you find in the midst of the pain.
The peace you find to accept what you have lost.
The grace God gives you to give up what you know you cannot keep.
The blessings He lavishes upon you to show you His everlasting, eternal, all-encompassing love.
It's not bittersweet, because it's not both at once. It's not just plain happiness, because there is pain in there.
You've probably heard that it's the darkness that makes the light beautiful. It's the pain that makes the healing wonderful.
This piece is a full, deep, meaningful joy that you won't experience fully unless you have endured the pain beforehand.
Doesn't the depth of music that God has created excite you? Does it not leave you in awe and wonder of our Father in heaven?
There are so many different feelings you can pull out of this piece, and that's why I love it.
Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
PS - I wish I had a decent recording to give you, but I don't. I will be recording all my pieces at some point though, so eventually I will be able to share it with you.
Sunday, January 17
And now it's over.
Thanks for your prayers on Saturday. I could tell people were praying for me because I stayed somewhat emotionally sane and actually almost enjoyed myself.
There were 2 rounds, and the top 3 from each round would advance to the final round. We got 4th. But our other team (we had 2 teams) placed 1st and then got Silver in the final round! Trinity got Silver as well. (they had 2 of each award, gold, silver, and bronze)
Afterwards we trooped off to Panda Express where for lunch, and then home, where I discovered we were randomly having friends over for dinner - which was very fun.
All in all, it was a good-ish day. I had a lot of fun, and it was great to see people from my old church. But I am also extremely glad it's all over because the stress, work, and emotion I put into it, not to mention lots of other things - was...stressful.
Here are a couple pictures...
Corwin, me, and Jackson
Our awesome, very posed huddle picture
I'm laughing because I was trying to get Jackson to be serious, but he wouldn't. :P
Nancy (our coach), Amy, Tim, Sarah, and Jabber (the bird)
Nancy, Sarah, Tim, Amy, me, and Jackson (wearing Nancy's medal :P) (Corwin had to leave)
There were 2 rounds, and the top 3 from each round would advance to the final round. We got 4th. But our other team (we had 2 teams) placed 1st and then got Silver in the final round! Trinity got Silver as well. (they had 2 of each award, gold, silver, and bronze)
Afterwards we trooped off to Panda Express where for lunch, and then home, where I discovered we were randomly having friends over for dinner - which was very fun.
All in all, it was a good-ish day. I had a lot of fun, and it was great to see people from my old church. But I am also extremely glad it's all over because the stress, work, and emotion I put into it, not to mention lots of other things - was...stressful.
Here are a couple pictures...
Corwin, me, and JacksonOur awesome, very posed huddle pictureI'm laughing because I was trying to get Jackson to be serious, but he wouldn't. :P
Nancy (our coach), Amy, Tim, Sarah, and Jabber (the bird)Nancy, Sarah, Tim, Amy, me, and Jackson (wearing Nancy's medal :P) (Corwin had to leave)Saturday, January 9
The hurt before the healing
If you can't tell, I've been discovering a lot of great, great music lately. Really, really good songs. It's a good thing I got itunes money for Christmas. :)
Instead of posting the video, I want to post the lyrics to this song - it's called "before the morning" by Josh Wilson. The most important parts are pretty obvious. =]
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you,
Where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see.
You'll see.
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the dark before the morning
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade into memory
Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the dark before the morning
Yesterday, on the forum I administrate (Aslan's Country), we held our first Bible study with our moderators. We studied "Being a Christian in a world of sin", which, as I've realized, encapsulated my whole awana Mainstudy in one sentence. The whole thing is Paul exhorting the Corinthians to be different in a world of sin around them.
I could start reciting all I know about Corinth, Paul, and the book of 1st Corinthians from my quiz study, but I'll spare you the details :P
Back to our study today - it was on Romans 8:18-25. I wasn't going to post the whole thing, but it's so good...so please don't be daunted by it's length. Read it. :)
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see.
Hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what we sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
Isn't that just amazing? I love that word - hope. I was thinking last night that I should name my girls (assuming I have any) Faith, Hope, and Charity. But anyway.
We also talked at the young ladies' Bible study I was at on Thursday night about living in light of eternity, from Philippians 1. (amazing how God ties everything in your life together all at once, isn't it?)
God has so, so, so much in store for us! ...the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God!
Any pain we are in right now, pain of the world around us, anything God has thrown at us is to bring glory to Himself, to draw us closer to Him. And just think how glorious it will be in Heaven, when the morning comes. We can't see it now and there's no way that we can. But if we press on, persevere, keep hoping, there will be joy in the morning. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)
And, because I just love all these verse that are coming to mind,
Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, will doubtless (there's that hope again!!) come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:5-6)
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the scripture and the song. :) Kudos to you for reading the long post!
Keep hoping,
Dark comes before morning,
Hurt comes before healing.
Instead of posting the video, I want to post the lyrics to this song - it's called "before the morning" by Josh Wilson. The most important parts are pretty obvious. =]
Do you wonder why you have to
Feel things that hurt you?
If there's a God who loves you,
Where is He now?
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see.
You'll see.
Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still have a reason to sing
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
It can't compare to the joy that's coming
So hold on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the dark before the morning
Once you feel the weight of glory
All your pain will fade into memory
Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on, and just fight the good fight
'Cause the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the hurt before the healing
Oh, the pain that you've been feeling
Is just the dark before the morning
Yesterday, on the forum I administrate (Aslan's Country), we held our first Bible study with our moderators. We studied "Being a Christian in a world of sin", which, as I've realized, encapsulated my whole awana Mainstudy in one sentence. The whole thing is Paul exhorting the Corinthians to be different in a world of sin around them.
I could start reciting all I know about Corinth, Paul, and the book of 1st Corinthians from my quiz study, but I'll spare you the details :P
Back to our study today - it was on Romans 8:18-25. I wasn't going to post the whole thing, but it's so good...so please don't be daunted by it's length. Read it. :)
For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
Or maybe there are things you can't see
And all those things are happening
To bring a better ending
Someday, somehow, you'll see.
Hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what we sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.
Isn't that just amazing? I love that word - hope. I was thinking last night that I should name my girls (assuming I have any) Faith, Hope, and Charity. But anyway.
We also talked at the young ladies' Bible study I was at on Thursday night about living in light of eternity, from Philippians 1. (amazing how God ties everything in your life together all at once, isn't it?)
God has so, so, so much in store for us! ...the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God!
Any pain we are in right now, pain of the world around us, anything God has thrown at us is to bring glory to Himself, to draw us closer to Him. And just think how glorious it will be in Heaven, when the morning comes. We can't see it now and there's no way that we can. But if we press on, persevere, keep hoping, there will be joy in the morning. Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning! (Psalm 30:5)
And, because I just love all these verse that are coming to mind,
Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, will doubtless (there's that hope again!!) come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. (Psalm 126:5-6)
I'd love to hear your thoughts on the scripture and the song. :) Kudos to you for reading the long post!
Keep hoping,
Dark comes before morning,
Hurt comes before healing.
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