Endless Emotions

Awhile ago, I wrote something along these lines in my facebook status: (although it was much shorter than this to accommodate facebook's word limit)

Chopin's thought process while writing his prelude in C♯ minor:

"I think I'll write a random prelude. Let's give it 4 sharps...and make it in C♯ minor."

::poses thoughtfully::

"I'll make a gorgeous melody, quite simple, for the first page. But then, I think I'll take ALL those notes and turn them into FLATS! Yes!"

::rubs hands together gleefully::

"Next, I think I'll write it so that the pedaling is so intricately delicate that students will get foot cramps trying to do it right"

::scribbles notes madly::

"Oooh! I have an idea. Let's put in a cadenza at the end. A *chromatic* one."

::the scheme deepens::

"Not only that, but why don't we make it be chromatic in FOUR DIFFERENT PATTERNS!"

::triumphantly publishes music, only to have it become a rarely played piece, left alone as the only piece in Op. 45::

As you can probably see, the learning process of this piece has not exactly been pleasant.

But if you look beyond that - the world of classical music is so intricately deep, with things you never imagined weaved into a single note.

I just finished up 2.5 hours of piano practice, with about 1 hour of that consisting of Chopin. But today was not a day of tedious chromatic scales and foot-cramping pedal patterns - today was a day of discovery.

Previously, my teacher asked me what I thought of when I thought of this piece. She wanted a story for me to think of.

I told her that it wasn't the type of piece that could be expressed with something material. It was an emotion, a color....anything but something you could touch or see or express in concrete terms.

So, taking the situation I was currently in, I played it with the kind of emotion that comes from pain, from something lost, from something you so desperately need.

Today I discovered that it's not that kind of a piece - at all.

I like to call a piece of joyful serenity made perfect with pain and sweetened with God's grace, blessings, and love.

It's the joy you find in the midst of the pain.
The peace you find to accept what you have lost.
The grace God gives you to give up what you know you cannot keep.
The blessings He lavishes upon you to show you His everlasting, eternal, all-encompassing love.

It's not bittersweet, because it's not both at once. It's not just plain happiness, because there is pain in there.

You've probably heard that it's the darkness that makes the light beautiful. It's the pain that makes the healing wonderful.

This piece is a full, deep, meaningful joy that you won't experience fully unless you have endured the pain beforehand.

Doesn't the depth of music that God has created excite you? Does it not leave you in awe and wonder of our Father in heaven?

There are so many different feelings you can pull out of this piece, and that's why I love it.

Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

PS - I wish I had a decent recording to give you, but I don't. I will be recording all my pieces at some point though, so eventually I will be able to share it with you.