Where the Stories Go.

I wanted to do a nice re-cap of my summer.

Tell you about what life was without the computer. How positively freeing it is, even though I didn't quite manage it. How I realized that my freedom isn't tied to the internet, it's tied to me.

I wanted to capture the awesomeness of the life I lived this summer into a blog post so you could experience a piece of it. To powerfully put into words the things I discovered.

But...I feel as if...the moment something is written down or expressed in spoken words, it is like you have put a bird into a cage. You have confined it, stripped it of meaning, limited its existence.

Words simply cannot capture the essence of truth. It is beyond, even, what humans could possibly comprehend even with their spirit. Not only is it not limited to words and understanding, but it is completely beyond this reality in which I live.

So much of my life has been lived trying to capture bits of truth into "my book of days." To write it down, to treasure it so that I know exactly where it is and how to find it and can pull it out at the right moment in a way that makes people think I am awesome. Trying to fit the ocean into my cup, to stretch my finite capacities to understand the unreachable limitless world of the infinite.

And I can't. I can't hold onto truth because truth is not mine to hold and keep.

In the words of a dear friend: "I'm not losing something by unfurling my grasp on it. Every single thing that occurs on this earth, that touches me, is still changing the world and molding my journey, my person, whether or not a record is kept of it. "

We are stuck in the in between, we are waiting, pressing on for a goal unreachable on this earth -- yet the very pressing on in and of itself means that we are not failing.

I had hoped to come back to blogging full of fire for writing, but now I find that writing cannot capture truly living. I will still write, I suppose -- but hopefully not in a way that lives for the praise I desire from readers, or from my need to know and understand everything, but simply for the living, for the discovering -- sharing, growing, becoming. To seek understanding without becoming a slave to it.

Mike Donehey (lead singer for tenth avenue north, in case you forgot) said, "I don’t write,
because I know what I’m talking about, I write precisely because I don’t know what I’m talking about....I write to unriddle my heart."

To unriddle my heart.

My 5 favorite words.

I used to think it was crazy that a person could have a "favorite word." It's like....buddy, there are billions of words in the English language. How can you have a favorite?

Alas, reader, I have come to discover that the number of things I used-to-think-were-weird-but-now-find-amazing is slowly increasing. Darnit, I think I'm growing up.

So here we go. My top 5 favorite words (as of right now):

5. Beauty
Our culture has such thwarted views of beauty. We think that beauty is fashion, beauty is perfection, beauty is makeup, it's in looks, it's having things. But beauty is so much farther beyond that.

Hannah Farver gives an awesome definition of beauty in her book "Uncompromising."

"Define beauty in a pair of scissors." [I said]
"Scissors aren't beautiful!" [Daria] cried indignantly
"How do you know? What makes a pair of scissors beautiful?"
Daria grabbed the pair of scissors on her desk.
"They're...uh...scissors are beautiful...because of how well they function."
"So if scissors work the way their maker wanted them to work, then they're beautiful?"

Beauty is not defined by the external looks, but by internal purpose.

Have you ever had a boyfriend, or a best friend, or a really adorable nephew, or somebody -- who made something for you? And if you were to advertise this gift on tv or in magazines, you probably wouldn't get a lot of interest. But it's precious because of who made it for you, and why they made it.

I feel like the word "beauty" is thrown around so much that it doesn't have the depth of meaning that it really should.

Beauty is defined by the sheer wonder of the purpose a thing was created for -- and of the Creator Himself. This is why trees are more beautiful than computers, flowers are more beautiful than cell phones, and my dog is more beautiful than your ipod.

Man made things are pretty, but God-made things are beautiful.

This is why you are beautiful. Your soul, the very essence of your being, your purpose, your existence, is simply....delightful. Wonderful.

Beautiful.

Which brings me to my next favorite word:

4. Purpose.
I think I've mentioned my 7th grade teacher a couple times on this blog now, and I really wish I had some way of contacting him so that I could tell him how much his theology class impacted me. He taught me that you will be happy when you fulfill your purpose.

There is something driving, invigorating, wildly fulfilling about the word purpose. To have a purpose is to know that you have worth. Your existence is not meaningless. There is no higher calling than fulfilling the purpose for which you were created.

"I like to imagine that the world is one big machine. You know, machines never have any extra parts. They have the exact number and type of parts they need. So I figure if the entire world is a big machine, I have to be here for some reason. And that means you have to be here for some reason, too." -Hugo (::squee!:: another opportunity to quote "The Invention of Hugo Cabret")

We were created for relationships: to love God and to love other people.

But I also think we were created to seek, and to never stop seeking. The funny thing about relationships is that they're ongoing. You don't simply "arrive," and you will never be done. You are always seeking to know a person better, talk to them more, and so on.

Part of our purpose is seeking, climbing, working to discover the truth. I used to think that "purpose" was a goal you were trying to achieve. But now...I think it's more the reason you are trying to achieve it.

Which brings me to...

3. Quest.
I can't mention how much I love this word without mentioning one of my favorite books, "The Tale of Despereaux."

"And what, may I ask, do you intend to do with the thread?" [said the Threadmaster]
"Save the princess." [said Despereaux]
"Ah, yes. The princess...and how, exactly, will you use a spool of thread to save a princess?"
"A rat has taken her and hidden her in the dungeon, so I have to go back to the dungeon, and it is full of twists and turns and hidden chambers. And I have to find her...and I have to lead her back. I...I will use thread."
"I see, I see," he said. "You, my friend, are on a quest."
"I don't know what that is," said Despereaux.
"You don't have to know. You just have to feel compelled to do the thing, the impossible, important task at hand."

A Quest. Impossible. Important.

The wonderful thing about the word "quest" is that not only is it a journey towards an end, but something about it implies that you are not merely on it for the gold at the end. There is more to this journey than simply reaching the finish line. There are discoveries to be made, souls to make friends with, beauty to be found -- all along the way.

When you're climbing a mountain, you're obviously trying to get to the top. But the top is not what it's all about. There's also the journey upwards, the path that you take, the things you discover on the way. That's what a quest is. Learning, discovering, uncovering new and exciting things that continue to press you forward, closer to the top of the mountain, but making everything beautiful along the way.

2. Truth
To be honest, the power of the word "truth" sometimes makes me shudder a little. Truth is not a fairytale, truth is not in my head, it transcends what I feel and what I think and is not subject to anything or anyone. It simply is. It is more than a teaching, more than an idea, more than a topic of discussion.

It reaches beyond the confines of religion and soars above even the limits of Christianity. It baffles our tiny, ant-sized views of reality. Truth does not change because God does not change, and God is truth.

It's something that, once discovered, is unshakeable, unstoppable, and changes your life forever.

And you shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

Bringing me lastly to...
1. Transcendence
I don't know exactly why, but I have always loved the word "transcend."

"To transcend something isn't just to get past it or to move on from something, but it means to completely overcome something in life." -Lindsey Stirling.

Transcend means beyond. It means above, it means throughout. Something that transcends this world is something that is not limited to this world - it is so far beyond this world. It can't be held captive, cannot be defined.

So many things in this life are temporary. They are finite, fluffy little things that only last for a short amount of time. I often look at the futility of it all and wonder why does this matter?

I feel like the answer lies in all of the first 4 words that I listed. Beauty, Purpose, Quest, and Truth.

Part of what I loved about The Hunger Games was that it didn't end happily ever after. The world was still the imperfect, broken world, and injustice would always be there. But it was worth it because of what they were seeking to do. There was a higher cause, a higher truth, a greater purpose. Transcending the brokenness.

Beauty...purpose...truth...they transcend the futility in this life. They go beyond the frustration, disappointment, complacency, anger, and confusion -- to a truth that is beyond myself. A truth that is greater than me.

This...this truth is so far beyond the realms of our world. It is beautiful, it has purpose, because of the God who defines it. Therefore, not only is it beautiful, but it is in this quest for truth and beauty that we find our purpose, that the glory of God can transcend into our tiny world and shatter our lives with his truth.

And now, the inexplicable happiness inside of me for having used my 5 favorite words in a single sentence is kind of overflowing.

Do you have favorite words?