Controlling God.

{Part 1-ish of 2 posts that are somewhat related.}

When I first went to school - like, real school...as in Very Much Not Homeschool - one of the things all my teachers always wrote on their little end-of-quarter-evaluations was something along the lines of, "Hannah is very inquisitive, and likes to ask questions. She needs to be careful that her questions aren't disrespectful."

Yeah, I liked to know the "why" of a lot of things. But teachers in school aren't your mother, and you can't ask them "why" like you can at home. ;P

Nevertheless, I learned how to think deeply - and how to question what was important.

I like to have things explained to me, and I like to explain things to people.

But here's my reading from the other day. (Oswald Chambers) (yeah, I love this guy.)

There is nothing miraculous or mysterious about the things we can explain. We control what we are able to explain, consequently it is only natural to seek an explanation for everything.

I'm a firstborn, and I like to be in control. I like to know I've got a grip on the situation at hand. (But then again, who doesn't? Whether it's a dominating control or otherwise, we like to feel we have a grip on what's going on. Lack of control gives us a lack of self-worth. Or so we think.)

But think about it it - when we can explain it, the mystery goes away. It's not confusing, and now we have a firm hold of it. We now have this little tidbit of information that we somehow think we can use to our advantage to make us feel as if we have more control than someone else.

And what about God?

See, that's the beauty of it.

God....cannot be explained. He cannot be understood. The very nature and vastness of God Himself cannot be contained within my infinite understanding. It's like trying to fit the ocean in a cup. You just can't do it.

I think sometimes, I'm so afraid of not knowing what's going on and being able to explain everything that I just give up all together.

I mean, I can't fully understand everything, so why bother? It's easy for me to fall into the trap of, "I'm not going to embarrass myself by showing how little I know, so why even try learning more?"

But as Michael Apted said (oh shame that I'm quoting him, he ruined the Narnia franchise, why should he be a decent person at ALL?!) (that was sarcastic by the way) (now that I've ruined the quote fluidity of the quote I guess I'll have to start over)

The only way to stay young is to keep learning.

And how true is that, really? Life is boring when you're not learning anything - it's dull, purposeless, fruitless. This life is so exciting, nothing should stop me from seeking to know more about my God and Savior.

Just soak in the beauty of Proverbs 4

Let your heart retain my words; Keep my commands, and live.

LIVE. You know that word, "live" - (not the long i, the short i) To live is so much more than to just be alive. You're not really alive unless you're learning and growing, thinking, and searching.

Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; Love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding. Exalt her, and she will promote you; She will bring you honor, when you embrace her. She will place on your head an ornament of grace; A crown of glory she will deliver to you.”

I'll never fully understand God - if God was understandable, I'd stop reaching for Him once I got there. I'd become prideful.

If I could understand God, I'd be the stronger one. I could be in control because I could explain it.

What would God be if we could control Him? See, that's the beauty of who God is.

Unfathomable. Infinite. Awesome. Wonderful.

The coolest part is, He loves me. And He wants me to know Him. Personally.

This uncontrollable, vast, magnificent, unimaginable God - I can't understand Him, but He knows every detail about me.

And I mean, that's what faith is, right? What would faith be if we could understand and have it all under our control?

Romans 8:24 - but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees?

Why would I want to put my trust in something I was in control over? That's putting trust in myself - someone who is weak - rather than Christ, who is strong.

Think about that beauty - that we can rest in a God who is Greater.