meant to be.

Today {thus far} has been an extremely good day. It has included:

Wearing a skirt
Actually doing something cool with my hair
Using a gigantic umbrella in the snow/rain
Free overly sugared yogurt from McDonald's
also ZIP FIZZ
Writing stories during music theory class with Sabam
Wind in my face
Actually understanding what went on in Chinese class
Cool battle wounds from awana games practice to examine during music theory
Trying to sight-sing little brother's violin music and failing
The oh-so-beautiful feeling of NO SCHOOL TOMORROW

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

You are so young; you stand for beginnings. I would like to beg of you, dear friend, as well as I can, to have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will, gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day. Perhaps you are indeed carrying within yourself the potential to visualize, to design, and to create for yourself an utterly satisfying, joyful, and pure lifestyle. Discipline yourself to attain it, but accept that which comes to you with deep trust, and as long as it comes from your own will, from your own inner need.

— Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

The other day, I was walking from my last class to where my dad was going to pick me up. I was eager to get out because multiple people had texted me during class and I wanted to respond to them.

So I'm walking to where my dad is waiting for me, and texting to a friend of mine - a combination of my mad T9 texting skillz and sharp peripheral vision.

But as I was walking, I suddenly realized what I looked like.

Have you ever wondered what you look like to other people? Not in that oh-my-goodness-I-hope-I-look-okay sort of way.

Because the other day, I realized that I looked exactly like the typical teenagers I complain about.

I complain about teens who are always online, always texting, always caught up in some social network -- oblivious to the world around them. Who are living mediocre, worthless lives and wasting it away by doing dumb things.

But that day, I didn't look any different from any of them.

Granted, I have a prehistoric, pre-paid, plastic-y flip phone -- but I was lost in my own little world.

It reminded me of a post my friend Sabam made the awhile back, about (ironically) one of my favorite tenth avenue north songs (are you surprised?) -- about missing what's beautiful.

What kind of "pretty things" (or "shiny!" as my friend Paul says) steal my heart away? Computers and cell phones are great, but can they really replace a good long run in the autumn sunshine? Or a morning spent watching the sunrise?

We're easily distracted. It's easy to "take a break" from the technology and spend time outside. But how quickly do we come back to it? How quickly are we distracted?

I don't want to be easily distracted. Yeah, sometimes I embrace my weirdness enjoy chasing my butterflies. But there are things that matter more.

My friends, my family, my siblings - how often do I say "not right now" to them as I type away furiously at some email my friend won't get for the next few days anyway?

I won't be able to drink in the beauty of the world God has created around me if my focus is somewhere else. What sort of things am I missing because my focus is somewhere it shouldn't be? I don't want to be always busy.

postscript:
This post has actually been in my drafts for months, but it's ironic that I'm posting it right after the one below. Guess I'd better take to heart a bit of my own words... ;)

What I Do When I'm Supposed To Be Writing A Speech.

Pardon the disheveled sort of look. It's late at night. Aforementioned speech may or may not be posted for the public to view.

Everything you need.

The Valentine's Day ads on the radio lately are pretty funny. The other day, I heard one for Safeway (or was it Albertson's?) ad that said, "We'll provide everything you need to say "I love you."

And it sort of made me laugh inside, because -- really, who needs anything to say "I love you?"

I love you is not chocolate.

I love you is not gifts.

I love you is not something you can buy.

I love you is not even words.

I love you is action.

I love you is something you do.

Even though I laughed about their ad campaign, I think sometimes I'm a little guilty of this thinking myself. See, I'm someone who likes to buy things for people. I really do. Especially since I've started teaching piano, there's a lot more of that green stuff floating around to do it with. (please tell me you know what I mean: little girl who has $25, maybe $50 from Chinese New Year to last for the entire year, parents have to pay for everybody's presents...)

What I think I forgot about was that buying things for people and giving them things -- while yes, it's a way to show that you love people -- is not the best way to do it.

The most valuable thing I can give is my time. Myself. My energy, my attention, and my care.

And when you look at 1 Corinthians 13, that's really what "I love you" truly means --

Love is patient. Love is kind.
Love does not envy. Love does not boast.

It is not proud. It is not rude.
It does not seek it's own. Is not provoked, thinks no evil.

Love does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth.

Bears all things. Believes all things. Hopes all things. Endures all things.

And that truly is everything that you will ever need to say "I love you."

Leadership 101

I, Hannah Marie, was the first child born to my parents, the oldest child in my family.

With this...erm, fate, comes the natural tendencies to be in control, to lead, and to be in charge.

Teaching, working with kids, and being in charge has been one of my gifts for a long time, and something I'd say I'm somewhat good at.

But my dad says that my strength is also my weakness.

See, as the oldest child, I've also never had big kids to look up to. So I spent the better part of my childhood (actually, I still do this) looking up to my older cousins, friends, and leaders with this kind of sacred awe.

Yes. If you knew me as a child and you were more than 2 years older than me, it was like you were some kind of holy and perfect being. I longed to have an older sister or brother that I could look up to.

I was sure that by the time I turned 16, I'd be perfect.

Ha.

Ha ha.

Haaaahhhahahahahahahahahhahaa.

So I thought that maybe, by the time I turned 18 it would be different.

Riight.

Nope. Still the same ol' me. And now that I'm staring the rest of my adulthood in the face, I'm starting to realise that I'm going to be the same person when I'm 21 as I am right now. (wow, profound, isn't it?)

Unfortunately, not everyone I looked up to looked down on me with the same kind of affection, and I got pushed around a lot - not in a bullying sort of way, but just in that "you're-too-little" sort of way.

I'll tell you, those were the words I least liked to hear -- "that's for the big kids." I was never bullied, never picked on - just always treated as "little."

Having these experiences as a child was both a blessing and a curse - a strength and a weakness.

It became my strength because as I've gotten older, I've begun to realise that I am becoming the older person that small children look up to - and I can sympathize with them. I know exactly how they feel and I can treat them with all the care, love, and respect that I've got because I know that they're often more capable than they might seem.

I had little 2nd graders in school cling to me. One of the things that most made my day was when a little girl named Hayley said "We're going to go play with Hannah because Hannah likes children."

But it's also become my weakness. Sometimes, I still carry that feeling of inferiority that came with always being made to feel small. I somehow feel that if I can make small children feel little, it will make me feel older. Then I will become that perfect, big, important girl I always wanted to be.

And instead of being a good leader, I become a drafter instead.

One of Jon Acuff's posts said this,

It’s easier to draft than it is to lead, but when you lead, you help somebody else go faster than they ever could have on their own. Leading is helping somebody else be better. Leading is helping somebody else get stronger. Smarter. More connected to whatever it is they’re uniquely called to do.

Leading is helping somebody else go faster than they ever could have on their own.

Drafting is easier. You don’t have to fight the wind.

Leading is harder. You have to continually break new ground.

I've been thinking a lot about this, especially as I teach piano.

For those of you who don't know, I have 8 students that I teach. Some of them are harder to teach than others - but with each, I have to find new and creative ways to make the concepts understandable.

I could just say "You can do better than that. Remember your dynamics." But instead I can say "Hey, good job with your counting! Now, let's play this part really loud. Can you pretend your fingers are elephants?"

I could just "draft" them, and give them all their assignments. But teaching -- leading -- that's different. It requires far more of my effort, but the results are far more rewarding.

Leading is helping somebody else be better. Leading is helping somebody else get stronger.

A lot of times I'm afraid to help people because I don't want them to get "better than me." I like to retain that air of superiority, and apparent "perfectness" that I have.

But that's far from the attitude I should have, and in the long run, it's going to hurt me far more than it's going to help me.

Coming up with creative, new ways to help the kids I work with isn't always easy. Sometimes I want to just say "How do you not get this simple concept?"

But that's not the kind of teacher I want to be. That's not the kind of leader I want to be.

Real leaders ask "What can I give to this person?” instead of "What can I get from this person?”

I teach piano not because of what I can get from it, but because I want to share my passion for music with others. I want them to love it as much as I do. But that focus isn't always the easiest to maintain.

I want to be a leader who gives. I want to be a leader who helps someone else grow.

Maybe I don't have my own dream. Maybe I'm like those people who never really quite figure out what it is they want to do.

But I know one thing I can do, and that is help other people. I can lead them. I can give of myself.

And really -- that's when I find that I'm most content.

Music of the week {Revive}

Many thanks to my friend Paul, I am now a fan of the band Revive. Actually I have been a fan for quite awhile, but have only recently forked over the currency required for legal ownership of their music.

I'd say they're definitely in the running with Trading Yesterday.They also get bonus points because if you watch some of their videos where they're talking instead of singing, they have cool Australian accents!! Because they're from Australia. (go figure.)

The saddest part? THEY'RE NOT A BAND ANYMORE EITHER.

Why do all the awesome bands stop making music? I think I might die if tenth avenue north does that.

Alright. Enough about that.

My current most favorite song is:

Hold On Love


There's fear in your eyes
As you face the unknown
You keep asking why
For a reason to hold on
But hold on love

The life that you plan
The dreams are all gone
You don't understand why you should hold on
But hold on love

I'll be here
Whatever comes your way
I'll be here
It's a promise I have made
When you close your eyes
And say your last goodbye
I'll be here

I'm strong enough
I'll be your hope
I made a way
I just need you to hold on
Hold on love

I'll be here
Whatever comes your way
I'll be here
It's a promise I have made
When you close your eyes
And say your last goodbye
I'll be here

No matter what you're facing now
As you're drowning in a sea of doubt
You should know I won't let you go
No matter what you're going through
Just remember I have been there too
You should know I won't let you go

I'll be here
Whatever comes your way
I'll be here
It's a promise I have made
When you close your eyes
And say your last goodbye
I'll be here

Hold on
Hold on love

Also, when you have time to kill and feel like listening to more awesome music, check out:

Don't give up the fight:

We Were Meant to Be:


And last but not least,

Blink:

If I could have just one wish...

Yes, I do believe this is what I would wish for.

Happy Monday!

Oh wait, it's Wednesday.

I'm pretty sure I just live in perpetual mondays....or it could be that I didn't have school yesterday and that threw off my little mental picture of where I was in the week and so now it feels like Monday all over again. O.o

I'm starting to think days off aren't quite a good idea as they seem....

But anyhow, I am here to introduce you to "Blimey Cow" or...I think his name is Jordan? Anyways, cool Christian youtuber for you to check out.

He made this oisome video on Monday about smartphones and the overuse of technology, and has thus gone at least 65 points up on my awesome list. (that's a lot of points)

Be sure to check out "10 ways to get girls to like you," "If you are a Christian you have to be happy all the time," and "Stupid stuff people do on the internet," and "Seven lies about homeschoolers." =P




"Would our waitresses be doomed to 2% tips??!!"

"My brain is a miracle! This is just a piece of nuts bolts! ...Did you just tweet me?!"

"I'm still partial to the original form of communication...I don't know if you've heard of it, it's called talking with your mouth!!"

"It's like we WANT Pixar's Wall-E to come true!!"

"I mean, come on! How could a human being with a soul compare to Angry Birds and Fruit Ninja??"

Also, disclaimer: I'm not saying you're dumb if you have a smartphone, because I know several highly intelligent people who own smartphones. I just think our culture's overuse of technology is ridiculous -- to the point that sometimes (like in this video), it's funny.