"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." —Gilda Radner

I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.

— Shauna Niequist

I'm going to live.

I was thinking about my life today (something I do rather frequently) and realizing that I really don't think I'm putting a whole lot of effort into living.

It's just...mediocre.

I give halfhearted little glances at everything because I'm not sure what I want to be "my thing." You know?

For years I've wanted to find what my passion was and throw myself into it wholeheartedly.

But maybe....maybe I don't have one. Maybe I don't have just one calling. Besides, what's to stop me from doing everything that I do passionately and wholeheartedly? I don't have to just do one thing.

One of my first impromptu topics was a completely weird quote that went: "If you bite off more than you can chew, chew it." I talked, in a rather jumbled fashion, about how sometimes I end up doing too much stuff and over committing myself, but I have to chew it anyway.

But I've started to realize that I'm shying away from "chewing" what I've got. I'm afraid of throwing myself into everything I do because I'm afraid of what I might lose.

I'm afraid to enjoy life because I'm afraid those joys might be taken away.

But what's the alternative? Hiding in a corner and holding it all to myself? Never sharing, never loving, never learning?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -CS Lewis.

I don't want to be irredeemable.

So here's my resolution.

Everything that I do -- speech, debate, piano, flute, guitar, music teaching, awana, quizzing, music theory, chinese, math, SAT, writing, reading, cleaning, organizing, sciences, history, playing with my dog, hanging with my brothers, doing the laundry, working on Aslan's Country, talking to my friends, -- everything -- I am going throw all of myself into.

I'm not going to shy away from creativity. I'm not going to worry about making the best or being the best. I'm just going to be.

And I'm going to give 101%. I'm going to seek the truth, and I'm going to find it. I'm going to be daring and adventurous. I'm going to do crazy things and laugh till my stomach hurts. I'm going to find what I love about my life and I'm going to do it over and over again. I'm going to discover what it is that makes me me.

I'm not going to be idle. I'm not going to be mediocre. I'm not going to be afraid of what I might lose, I'm just going to go for it.

I used to hate all those cliches - live, love, laugh. Follow your heart. Dreams can come true. Just believe. Be yourself.

But I'm starting to love what is normal. It's okay to embrace what everyone else does sometimes. There's a reason everyone else loves it. I don't have to be anti-mainstream all the time. I don't have to be a world changer. As my dear friend Gray says, "there is power in being common."

So yes. I'm going to live, love, and laugh. I'm going to chase my dreams, and believe with everything in me.

I'm going to live.

Oh yes.

CHRISTMAS BREAK IS HERE!!

That's right, I just finished my LAST FINAL of my first quarter at real school.

Happiness does not even describe. I also had a peppermint mocha to celebrate.

SAT studying, piano practicing, California debaters, speeches, actually blogging, awana quizzing, SLEEPING, Christmas shopping, hanging with my friends....BRING IT ON!

I feel like I can breathe now. I have time to read books. I can guiltlessly spend hours on the phone or run out with my friends. I don't have to worry about wasting time. I can spend an hour on debate without worrying about a single English paper that I should be doing. I can just chill with my little brother. Also, have I mentioned that my sister is coming home for Christmas??

I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Endeavors in Creativity.

This week and next week are finals weeks for me at school (which might explain the lack of blog posts...my mind has been completely consumed by....numerous other things).

However, as part of my Chinese final, we were instructed to come up with an oral presentation representing some of the things we had learned.

I, being the speech nerd that I am, decided that it would be fun to poke fun at the lessons (which include strangers meeting and asking each other out that day.) and turn it into a humorous interpretation.

The presence of a video will not so much as touch any social media, but here is my script (and it's translation, since google translate fails) for your enjoyment. Imagine overdramatized, romantic sighs and voices, if you please.


Mark:　你好。　
Wenxin:　你好！
Mark:　我叫Mark。 你呢？
Wenxin:　我叫王文欣。 你是美国人马？
Mark:　不是。 我是加拿大人。
Wenxin:　(sigh)
Mark:　你是中国人吗？
Wenxin:　(nods)　我是上海人。　你喜欢上海吗？
Mark:　上海很美。　我喜欢上海。
Wenxin: (sigh)
Mark:　你去哪里？
Wenxin:　我去上海东路。
Mark:　太巧了！　我也去上海东路！
Wenxin:　(giggle)
Mark:　上海厨房在上海东路！
Wenxin:　 為什麼？
Mark:　我想请你吃饭。
Wenxin: 现在吗？
Mark:　对。　
Wenxin:　(sigh)　是的！
Mark: 好。(dials phone)
Wenxin:　(sigh)　
Waiter：喂， 您好， 这 里是上海 厨 房。
Mark:　喂，　你好。　我想预订座位。
Waiter:　午餐　还是　晚餐？
Mark:　午餐。　
Waiter:　好的。　请问－
Mark:　啊！不要了。 我要晚餐。
Waiter:　午餐？
Mark:　对。
Waiter:　 好的。 请问， 你们几位？
Mark:　三十六 位。
啊呀！　三十六位吗？！
Mark:　啊?!　不对！　两位。
Waiter:　你们要包房吗？
Mark:　ｍｍｍ。。。我要，谢谢。
Waiter:　请问，您贵姓？　
Mark:　我姓Smith。　
Waiter:　好。谢谢。 再见！
(at restaurant)
Mark:　文欣，你很美。　
Wenxin: (giggle) 谢谢你！
Mark:　文欣，　我爱你。你愿意嫁给我吗？
Wenxin: (gasp) 啊！ Mark! 我爱你！ 我会嫁给你！


Mark:　Hey.　
Wenxin:　oh! hello!
Mark:　My name is Mark. ::prince charming grin:: And you?
Wenxin:　My name is Wenxin. Are you...from America?
Mark:　Oh no -- I'm from CANADA.
Wenxin:　(sigh)
Mark:　Are you from China?
Wenxin:　Yes -- I'm from Shanghai. Do...do you like Shanghai?
Mark:　Shanghai is very beautiful. I like Shanghai. ;)
Wenxin: (sigh)
Mark:　Where are you going to?
Wenxin:　I'm going to Shanghai East Road.
Mark: What a coincidence! I'm going to Shanghai East Road.
Wenxin:　(giggle)
Mark:　Ah! Shanghai Kitchen is on Shanghai East Road!
Wenxin:　 Why?
Mark:　I would like to ask you out to dinner.
Wenxin: Now?
Mark: Yes. 　
Wenxin:　(sigh)　oh, yes!
Mark: Good. (dials phone)
Wenxin:　(sigh)　
Waiter：Hello. This is the Shanghai Kitchen.
Mark:　Hello. I would like to reserve a seat.
Waiter:　Lunch or dinner?
Mark:　Lunch.　
Waiter:　Okay. Please may I--
Mark:　Ah! No. I want dinner.
Waiter:　Dinner?
Mark:　Yes.
Waiter:　 Okay. Please may I ask, how many people?
Mark: ::lovesick:: Hhhmmm?
Waiter: ::ahem:: I said, how many people?
Mark:　uuhhh....um, thirty six?
Waiter: What? 36?!
Mark:　Ah! No, no, no. Two people.
Waiter:　Do you want a private room?
Mark:　mmm....yes, I do. (looks lovingly to Wenxin)
Waiter:　Please, what is your surname?
Mark:　My last name is Smith.　
Waiter:　Good. Thank you, goodbye.
(at restaurant)
Mark:　Wenxin, you are so beautiful. 　
Wenxin: (giggle) aww...thank you!
Mark:　Wenxin. I love you. Will you marry me??
Wenxin: (gasp) Mark! I love you too! I will marry you!

Needless to say, my class seemed to enjoy it, and I had fun giving it.

再见！

this war's not over.

Mmm....this movie seriously just makes me so happy. I finally watched it again with my brother (who, might I add, should be commended for his ability to restrain criticism during the whole thing) and completely fell in love with it all over again.

Knights of the round table - literally.

L: Today in school, we were learning about circumference.

Me: Is that so?

L: Yeah, and I was so confused because I thought circumference was a person.

Me: >pretends to understand< Haha, really?

L: Yeah cause you know, "Sir Cumference."

Best. Student. Ever.