I remember my thought process last year - my first year in speech.
First-or-second-week-of-speech-club.
Coach: "Impromptu is a limited prep. event where you draw three topics, and you have 2 minutes to prepare a 5-minute speech on one of the topics."
Me: [thinking] "Who in their right mind would do that?! I bet that's the least popular event."
Coach: "This event usually fills up the fastest."
Me: [inside] " o.O "
But hey. I was here to improve my speaking skills, not cower in a corner. So I told mom to sign me up.
The first time I tried it in club, I only talked for like a minute. My first topic in competition was "Endurance." I remember being so shaken after a barely 2-minute long speech that I completely forgot to shake the judges hand.
During the course of that year, I never managed to talk over about 2 and a half minutes - and over half my speeches ended with "SO! in this short, impromptu speech, we've seen that...." and one time I even had a judge tell me I defined a word incorrectly.
I made it through the first year, watched a round or so at nationals, drooled over how talented they were, and decided that while this was a great learning experience, I would never be at the point where I could really do well at this.
But the following summer (last summer) I went to speech camp - where I had one of my best impromptu rounds EVER. For some reason, it all of a sudden clicked. I had examples. I had somewhere I was
going with the little quote scribbled on paper. I don't remember how long I talked but I think I made the 4:00 minute mark. =P
And for some reason, at that point, I started to realize that I couldn't
try. I had to let God speak.
From that point on, as I competed in impromptu the following year (this year) God started to work really....really awesome things.
Starting with the Idaho tournament, I broke in impromptu. (meaning I made it to the next round.) I didn't make it to finals, but God gave me some AMAZING quotes and one of the best rounds in my whole life - and I ended up placing 12th.
At the next tournament in Bothell, God brought me all the way to finals and gave me 5th.
The tournament in Seattle is one I won't forget quickly. I didn't compete impromptu, and at that tournament, I didn't break at all - in any of my speeches.
For me, not breaking was kind of a...a weird thing. It felt like failure. I've broken at every single tournament I've ever been to in my life. (Note: not breaking is not equated with failure, as I have learned. But this year that's what it felt like)
But God used that to tell me that I was trying to do this by myself. I was trying to win on my own. Trying to be a good speaker and win trophies and medals. So He made all my speeches get low enough rankings to not break - simple as that.
Come the STOA tournament in Mount Vernon not 2 weeks ago, I wasn't in it for the competition. Just for the experience, for sharing my message.
Every single speech broke.
Is it just me, or do you think God knows we can't do things by ourselves? ;)
At regionals last week, I was really struggling with this. Knowing that if I gave it to God, He could do great things with it - but if I tried to do this on my own, things would probably not work in my favor.
Yet knowing that God has a reason and plan whether I win or lose....meh. It's like you're worried that you'll jinx it or something. (like you could possibly jinx GOD...) You know? There's something beautiful about totally surrendering something to God, no ties, holding nothing back. But doing it again, and again, and again - I keep wanting to go back to doing it all by myself. Yet I know I can't, but I think that I can. Or I think "oh, God'll help me" and not
really give it to Him. There are so many things to try and juggle in your mind. And the more you know about life, the more there is to juggle.
I think.
Anyway.
So regionals.
I really honestly can't remember how I went into this tournament. I remember last year, able to completely surrender it to God and let Him work.
Sad thing is, as an over-analyzer and one-with-a-good-memory (also one who blogs about such experiences), it's hard to....
repeat that.
Which I guess, is why I have to live every day by the strength of Christ. Because I don't always have the ability to give up certain things to God...and I sort of have to let Him take them away.
(Please, take from me my life - when I don't have the strength to give it away to you, Jesus.) (Take my life, Third Day)My best round at regionals was on the words "picture-perfect."
Oh, God, how amazing Your work is.
I talked about how we can't always be perfect. We try, we want to look good for others. We want to sound good, and make a good impression. But unless our lives are a response to God's work - a life dedicated to following Him and Him alone - trying to be "picture-perfect" is never going to cut it. We can't do it on our own.
I could go on, but I'll wrap up my story.
I broke.
At regionals. Kind of scary - I barely expected to break at the local level, much less at the state-wide level.
And I think I over-estimated myself. Over-analyzed it a bit too much. Tried a bit too hard. Because my semi-final round wasn't that good. It was okay, it wasn't like a failure...but it wasn't my best.
But at the same time, there was a kind of peace - that whatever God decided to do was okay, because....well, because He's God. He knows, and He's not doing anything in my life for some arbitrary reason.
I ended up placing 9th in impromptu.
If you're in speech, you know what that means - *one* place away from finals. Just one place away. Which means it wasn't as bad as I had thought.
But here's where God's plan really comes out.
I qualified for nationals.
o.O
Remember that girl, who gave 1 minute impromptu speeches, stumbled over her words, defined them incorrectly, and forgot to shake the judges hands? The girl who thought that NO ONE in their right mind would do impromptu?
She's qualified for
nationals.
I don't say that to brag. I say that to say, LOOK AT HOW AWESOME MY GOD IS!!!!
Because friends, when you go into that impromptu room, you have NO idea what you're going to get. You could get a slogan, a single word, a few words, a phrase, or 4 lines of a quote by some philosopher - or even a picture of a Disney character.
It is ALL by the grace and power and strength of God.
One of my friends said impromptu is kind of a gamble. And it is, if you don't know who is writing your script.
See, I have nothing worth saying in this world - nothing worth doing, performing, making, or giving outside of who Christ is and what He has done. My life is nothing outside of Christ. But IN Christ? In the power of Christ? Oh, how powerful that is! When we allow God to speak through us? To realize that it's not about us, but merely that we are the instruments through which He chooses to orchestrate His marvelous work?
Every night, every day I find that I have nothing left to say So I stand here in silence awaiting Your guidance I'm wanting only Your voice to be heard Let them be Your Words
Give me Words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can't think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe You my life.(Give me words to speak, Aaron Shust)
As you're giving an impromptu speech - you've sort of planned out where you're going to go. But you don't always know what you're going to say next. And that's how God speaks. He feeds you ideas as you talk. Right when you need them.
My whole....life. It's an impromptu speech - 'cause God is writing it. I go into it not knowing what kind of topic I'm going to get. What kind of people, places, or things God's going to bring my way. What the outcome is going to be. But I know - oh! what blissful peace it is! To know that God will give me all that I need - because the only thing worth proclaiming in this life is Christ.
My semi-finals round wasn't that good. But I had peace knowing that God could do what He wanted with it - and He did.
My life doesn't always look that great, and I don't always sound that eloquent, dress that fashionably (sometimes I still look like I'm in my awkward childhood stage), or know why something's happening. But God can do whatever He wants with whatever happens because He's the one in charge.
1 Cor. 2:2 ~
For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
Please pray that as I go to Nationals this week that I will let God speak. All I'm competing in is Impromptu, and I don't want to psych myself out about it - I want to let God speak and not try to be good. You know, I've blogged about all this, but once I put it into words it almost makes it harder to live it out because I know what results I want. But it's not the results I should aim for - it's sharing Christ. And I don't have to break to semi-finals to do that. Please, please pray that His words will flow, and not mine.
