Monday, December 26

"I do dare to live a life of extravagant happiness. I will love so fiercely, live so much gladness, that everyone will think that it isn’t fair.
But I will cherish this happiness, and not guilt myself into giving it up because other people don’t have it. No, instead I will find ways to make that happiness for other people, pouring it into every corner that I visit, fearlessly showing my loved ones that I care, allowing my sympathies to be stricken into helping my fellow men with everything inside of me.
But I will not give up my high ground, and sink into despondency. The world needs a higher ratio of happiness to depression, and I will be among the happy. Just my very joyful presence will lighten the load of the overburdened, terrible, broken world.
I do dare to live a life of extravagant happiness."

--Gray

Sunday, December 25

My favorite part of Christmas.

Is still coming to the front of the balcony during Christmas Eve service and watching the flickering candlelight slowly fill the room.

In the past, I've always mourned the un-importance of my single candle flame. I'm just one light in a room full of thousands of lights, how could I possibly be important? I'm just one person in a world with billions of people, how could I ever be significant? Nobody would know if my flame just ceased to exist.

But today as I knelt there at the edge of the balcony, holding my single candle flame, I realized how beautiful it is that I am part of this world, and how precious my one life is.

I may be one single light, but that light is precious. Today I realized that who I am doesn't have to be someone who's wildly unique, original, decisive, and sure. I don't have to spend all my effort trying to make myself -- or even discover myself -- into someone who's "unique" or "set apart."

I am a part of this world. I am one light in a sea of little lights, and it's okay.

A lot of my Christian upbringing has included a large dose of the "you are unique and special" message. And while I don't deny that, I think it has a tendency to make us (or at least me) feel as if I must be better and more special than everyone else in the world.

But -- and I'm going to link you up to this post again because that's how good it is --

There is power in being common.

"If I am...a wise person-- I will seek to understand the things that all men share inside of themselves, instead of the things that set them apart from each other. Why was my self-value wrapped up in the ways that I perceive myself differing from other men?" (Gray)

This little light of mine is wild and precious. It can start fires. It's just the same as everyone else's -- but it's mine. It was lit by my Creator. And I'm going to live it, love it, and let it shine.

Friday, December 23

Thursday, December 22

Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven’t the answer to a question you’ve been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you’re alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.
— Norton Juster

Tuesday, December 20

Alright, here's another song from Taylor Swift. Again. Sorry, I couldn't resist. I really couldn't. It's just too cute.

Best of all, it's unique, and original. There's no break in the story for singing, or any face-melting-stage-dancing or anything like that. It's like she's human, for once.



ALSO THERE IS AN ASIAN MAN WITH A BANANA.

Sunday, December 18

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

Nothing to cheer your day up like a good 'ol reminder of what you've got.

It is a wonderful life.



I love this movie.

Saturday, December 17

Sin is okay.

I've been beating up on myself a lot recently. Call it perfectionist, call it over-controlling, call it self-righteous...whatever. But when I see a problem, it bothers me.

Honestly, it's a wonder to me that people love me at all when my own love is so distorted. When my view is so dirtied by this fateful curse of sin.

But I wonder if Christians play it up too much. We spend so much time indoctrinating our children on what is right and what is wrong and what ought and ought not to be. We tell them what mindsets are correct, what things are lies of the devil, and that anything contrary to what they are teaching is a falsehood and should be rejected immediately.

We do this so much that when these children grow up and enter the real world, they don't know what to do with it. False love, pride, lust, homosexuality, beauty, acceptance -- it shows up in all ways, shapes, and forms in our lives -- ways far deeper, dirtier, and more terrible than anything they ever taught us in Sunday school. Yes, there are worse things than hitting your brother.

And what have we been taught? That sin in any form is not okay.

But I'm starting to think that....that it is okay.

Oh heavens come crashing down, what am I saying?

No, really. We're taught to reject sin so much that when we discover a new form of it taking shape in our lives that we've never experienced before, we don't know how to deal with it. We've been taught that it's only the really messed up people who think this way. Only the people who are completely lost.

And we're not lost like that, no sir, we have Christ on our side.

We, in fact, are the broken, lost people that we they warned us about in Sunday school -- and when we discover this, it shocks us. How could we be like this when we're supposed to be something greater than this?

So we push it down. Shove it back. Place it in a corner. We're stronger than this.

But we're afraid to be broken. I'm afraid to be broken. I'm afraid to be sinful, because...well, I'm a Christian, so aren't I supposed to be cured of that?

Like any other perfectly homeschooled, Christian kid, I went to VBS every year. Actually I went to about 3 or 4 every year. And I always heard the same thing -- which was really just a condensed version of what I was taught in Sunday school:

When we're saved, that doesn't mean that we stop doing bad things. It means that Jesus now helps us not do bad things.

So perhaps because I feel that because Jesus is not doing anything to "help me not do bad things" that I must be screwed up in some way.

But I'm a Christian. I'm not supposed to be this way.

So I encounter problems. I realize I'm more broken than just "disobeying my parents" or "being mean to my brother." My heart is deceitful, and desperately wicked. I've been taught for years that this - these problems, this brokenness - it's wrong. But I've also been taught that because "every sin past present and future" has been forgiven and that "Jesus helps me not do bad things" that all of these problems I have should be either nonexistent or easy to fix "because I have Jesus."

So I shy away from being broken. From admitting I have a problem. From being brutally honest and real. From finding out who I really am. Even from accepting the brokenness of others.

Oh, they struggle with that? They must not have Jesus. They don't have hope like I do.

(I've always been told I had hope in Jesus. But when does that teaching cease to be a piece of knowledge you must memorize and start to become a truth that you cherish?)

But I'm starting to realize that it's okay. It's okay to be broken. It's okay to be sinful. It's okay to hurt. It's okay to be confused. And it's okay for other people to be that way, too.

You see....we're not God. We're not perfect, and we can never be perfect. We have no business rejecting brokenness and sin when we're living in it. Call me crazy, but yeah, it's taking me awhile to understand this.

Yeah, sin is still wrong.

But it's okay to mess up. It's okay to fail. It's okay to have no clue about anything.

Maybe that's what Jesus sacrifice was supposed to be about.

And maybe....just maybe, because of this radical sacrifice, God is okay with my brokenness, too.

What do you think?

Friday, December 16

Christmas is finally here.

Despite the fact that I'm one of those Christmas-begins-the-second-thanksgiving-is-over-or-sometimes-earlier kind of person, I persuaded my brother to try an experiment with me this year.

Objective: See how long we can go without putting up the Christmas tree.

Our theory? Parents only do this for their kids. Once we're old enough to reach the top of the thing, if the kids don't take initiative, it won't happen.

Our prediction: We'd make it to Christmas eve before they noticed the tree wasn't up.

However, this process nearly killed us, and we finally just went up to the attic, drug the tree down, and put it up.

And now, it can really be Christmas.

Wednesday, December 14

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity." —Gilda Radner

Tuesday, December 13

I want a life that sizzles and pops and makes me laugh out loud. And I don’t want to get to the end, or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings and pop cans and errands and receipts and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines and sing out loud in the car with the windows open and wear pink shoes and stay up all night laughing and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets and throw parties and eat ripe tomatoes and read books so good they make me jump up and down, and I want everyday to make God belly laugh, glad that he gave life to someone who loves the gift.
— Shauna Niequist

Saturday, December 10

I'm going to live.

I was thinking about my life today (something I do rather frequently) and realizing that I really don't think I'm putting a whole lot of effort into living.

It's just...mediocre.

I give halfhearted little glances at everything because I'm not sure what I want to be "my thing." You know?

For years I've wanted to find what my passion was and throw myself into it wholeheartedly.

But maybe....maybe I don't have one. Maybe I don't have just one calling. Besides, what's to stop me from doing everything that I do passionately and wholeheartedly? I don't have to just do one thing.

One of my first impromptu topics was a completely weird quote that went: "If you bite off more than you can chew, chew it." I talked, in a rather jumbled fashion, about how sometimes I end up doing too much stuff and over committing myself, but I have to chew it anyway.

But I've started to realize that I'm shying away from "chewing" what I've got. I'm afraid of throwing myself into everything I do because I'm afraid of what I might lose.

I'm afraid to enjoy life because I'm afraid those joys might be taken away.

But what's the alternative? Hiding in a corner and holding it all to myself? Never sharing, never loving, never learning?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.” -CS Lewis.

I don't want to be irredeemable.

So here's my resolution.

Everything that I do -- speech, debate, piano, flute, guitar, music teaching, awana, quizzing, music theory, chinese, math, SAT, writing, reading, cleaning, organizing, sciences, history, playing with my dog, hanging with my brothers, doing the laundry, working on Aslan's Country, talking to my friends, -- everything -- I am going throw all of myself into.

I'm not going to shy away from creativity. I'm not going to worry about making the best or being the best. I'm just going to be.

And I'm going to give 101%. I'm going to seek the truth, and I'm going to find it. I'm going to be daring and adventurous. I'm going to do crazy things and laugh till my stomach hurts. I'm going to find what I love about my life and I'm going to do it over and over again. I'm going to discover what it is that makes me me.

I'm not going to be idle. I'm not going to be mediocre. I'm not going to be afraid of what I might lose, I'm just going to go for it.

I used to hate all those cliches - live, love, laugh. Follow your heart. Dreams can come true. Just believe. Be yourself.

But I'm starting to love what is normal. It's okay to embrace what everyone else does sometimes. There's a reason everyone else loves it. I don't have to be anti-mainstream all the time. I don't have to be a world changer. As my dear friend Gray says, "there is power in being common."

So yes. I'm going to live, love, and laugh. I'm going to chase my dreams, and believe with everything in me.

I'm going to live.

Wednesday, December 7

Oh yes.

CHRISTMAS BREAK IS HERE!!

That's right, I just finished my LAST FINAL of my first quarter at real school.

Happiness does not even describe. I also had a peppermint mocha to celebrate.

SAT studying, piano practicing, California debaters, speeches, actually blogging, awana quizzing, SLEEPING, Christmas shopping, hanging with my friends....BRING IT ON!

I feel like I can breathe now. I have time to read books. I can guiltlessly spend hours on the phone or run out with my friends. I don't have to worry about wasting time. I can spend an hour on debate without worrying about a single English paper that I should be doing. I can just chill with my little brother. Also, have I mentioned that my sister is coming home for Christmas??

I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Friday, December 2

Endeavors in Creativity.

This week and next week are finals weeks for me at school (which might explain the lack of blog posts...my mind has been completely consumed by....numerous other things).

However, as part of my Chinese final, we were instructed to come up with an oral presentation representing some of the things we had learned.

I, being the speech nerd that I am, decided that it would be fun to poke fun at the lessons (which include strangers meeting and asking each other out that day.) and turn it into a humorous interpretation.

The presence of a video will not so much as touch any social media, but here is my script (and it's translation, since google translate fails) for your enjoyment. Imagine overdramatized, romantic sighs and voices, if you please.


Mark: 你好。 
Wenxin: 你好!
Mark: 我叫Mark。 你呢?
Wenxin: 我叫王文欣。 你是美国人马?
Mark: 不是。 我是加拿大人。
Wenxin: (sigh)
Mark: 你是中国人吗?
Wenxin: (nods) 我是上海人。 你喜欢上海吗?
Mark: 上海很美。 我喜欢上海。
Wenxin: (sigh)
Mark: 你去哪里?
Wenxin: 我去上海东路。
Mark: 太巧了! 我也去上海
路!
Wenxin: (giggle)
Mark: 上海厨房在上海
路!
Wenxin:  為什麼?
Mark: 我想请你吃饭。
Wenxin: 现在吗?
Mark: 对。 
Wenxin: (sigh) 是的!
Mark: 好。(dials phone)
Wenxin: (sigh) 
Waiter:喂, 您好, 这 里是上海 厨 房。
Mark: 喂, 你好。 我想预订座位。
Waiter: 午餐 还是 晚餐?
Mark: 
餐。 
Waiter: 好的。 请问-
Mark: 啊!不要了。 我要
餐。
Waiter: 午餐?
Mark: 对。
Waiter:  好的。 请问, 你们几位?
Mark: 三十六 位。
啊呀! 三十六位吗?!
Mark: 啊?! 不对! 两位。
Waiter: 你们要包房吗?
Mark: mmm。。。我要,谢谢。
Waiter: 请问,您贵姓? 
Mark: 我姓Smith。 
Waiter: 好。谢谢。 再见!
(at restaurant)
Mark: 文欣,你很美。 
Wenxin: (giggle) 谢谢你!
Mark: 文欣, 我爱你。你愿意嫁给我吗?
Wenxin: (gasp) 啊! Mark! 我爱你! 我会嫁给你!


Mark: Hey. 
Wenxin: oh! hello!
Mark: My name is Mark. ::prince charming grin:: And you?
Wenxin: My name is Wenxin. Are you...from America?
Mark: Oh no -- I'm from CANADA.
Wenxin: (sigh)
Mark: Are you from China?
Wenxin: Yes -- I'm from Shanghai. Do...do you like Shanghai?
Mark: Shanghai is very beautiful. I like Shanghai. ;)
Wenxin: (sigh)
Mark: Where are you going to?
Wenxin: I'm going to Shanghai East Road.
Mark: What a coincidence! I'm going to Shanghai East Road.
Wenxin: (giggle)
Mark: Ah! Shanghai Kitchen is on Shanghai East Road!
Wenxin:  Why?
Mark: I would like to ask you out to dinner.
Wenxin: Now?
Mark: Yes.  
Wenxin: (sigh) oh, yes!
Mark: Good. (dials phone)
Wenxin: (sigh) 
Waiter:Hello. This is the Shanghai Kitchen.
Mark: Hello. I would like to reserve a seat.
Waiter: Lunch or dinner?
Mark: Lunch. 
Waiter: Okay. Please may I--
Mark: Ah! No. I want dinner.
Waiter: Dinner?
Mark: Yes.
Waiter:  Okay. Please may I ask, how many people?
Mark: ::lovesick:: Hhhmmm?
Waiter: ::ahem:: I said, how many people?
Mark: uuhhh....um, thirty six?
Waiter: What? 36?!
Mark: Ah! No, no, no. Two people.
Waiter: Do you want a private room?
Mark: mmm....yes, I do. (looks lovingly to Wenxin)
Waiter: Please, what is your surname?
Mark: My last name is Smith. 
Waiter: Good. Thank you, goodbye.
(at restaurant)
Mark: Wenxin, you are so beautiful.  
Wenxin: (giggle) aww...thank you!
Mark: Wenxin. I love you. Will you marry me??
Wenxin: (gasp) Mark! I love you too! I will marry you!

Needless to say, my class seemed to enjoy it, and I had fun giving it.

再见!