There is a reason I have not been writing much lately.
It is mainly because I am afraid of cliches. Yes, here I go again.
The thing is, that words are so limited. I still haven't gotten over this. They simply do not capture the depth of what truth is.
I'm sitting here, thinking and feeling and understanding and knowing all sorts of beautiful, complicated, twisted things. Things I want to say, things I don't want to say. I'm existing, and so are you. And I want to take you by the hand and race you to the top of the mountain and show you what it's like. I want the essence of me to be able to communicate freely with the essence of you. I wish we could kythe.
Because, you see, it's very frustrating to hear the knowledge of a truth (like, "everyone needs to be loved,") and to grow up and suddenly understand the depth of what it means, to glimpse a tiny fraction of its eternal depth and then have to limit all of that understanding to the exact same cliche words you've always heard over and over. They used to not have meaning, but now they do -- yet the words themselves have not changed.
I am always fighting with the words, with the language that holds me down. I fear being another voice that says the same thing. I have ideas in my head of what I would like, but they lack the experience to put them into action.
I believe I have made the mistake of living for the words themselves. I think a lot of people do that, but I could be wrong. But that instead of living for truth, I have lived for an ability to write about it. I have been a poet, not a warrior.
We think that in this age, so much has been thought and we have so many
resources. And we do. But we also need to think for ourselves, we need
to write even if the thought has been written before. I cannot shy away from thoughts that have already been said. I must embrace them.
I need to live the truth, not the words.
